


Private Radio

by Twigo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 41,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24919984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twigo/pseuds/Twigo
Summary: AU. Ludwig's life was never all that interesting. Recovering from a breakup, he settles into a new job, navigating ships via radio and wondering when things will pick up. One night, a boat crosses through his waters, and Ludwig can't help but find himself fascinated by the odd man on the other end of the speaker. Come to think, that boat has been coming by a lot lately. NorGer
Relationships: Denmark/Norway (Hetalia), Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), Germany/Norway (Hetalia)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	1. Ordinary Vanity

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings! : AU. Human characters. Language.
> 
> Pairings : Norway x Germany, past Italy x Germany and Denmark x Norway. A little side of Prussia and France. Don't know what else to say about this one. ALSO, I know zero about anything nautical, so if any of you are sailors or something, just humor me

**PRIVATE RADIO**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

**Ordinary Vanity**

January.

The ships were frosted with ice. The water was well below freezing. The waves crashed white against the rocks.

Ludwig, through several different circumstances, had found himself on coast of the sea. A beautiful place, sure, but getting here had been an ugly time.

Six years.

That was how long he and Feliciano had been in a relationship. The first three had been exhilarating. The fourth had been alright. The fifth had dragged. The sixth, Ludwig had woken up every morning and wondered how much longer he could take it before he went crazy.

Not Feliciano's fault. His own, maybe. He couldn't say what it was that was nagging him, exactly, but he found himself enjoying his time alone more and more often, and when Feliciano was gone, he was the happiest. It was a terrible thing to admit, it made him a horrible person, but he had gotten tired of Feliciano.

So many days. So many years.

They had gotten together too young, perhaps. Attached to each other too quickly. Darted towards each other with declarations of eternity when they probably should have been experimenting with different people. They had been seventeen; ha, what had they known about anything back then? When they had first clasped hands, Ludwig was fairly certain that forever would be as enthralling as that day had been.

Hardly.

Adolescence turned into adulthood. Living together. Working. Paying bills. Seeing Feliciano every single day. Arguing, making up, arguing again, not talking to each other for days, making up again only to argue again. Fighting one night, fucking the next, looking at each other over the table and discussing bills, having to suffer each other's family.

It got old.

They had given each other their entire youth, and Ludwig was the first of them to realize he regretted that. He wasn't content. Restless, all the time. Maybe because he had never given himself time to mess around before he had settled. Disaster, surely, waiting to happen. Getting serious too soon.

When he looked at Feliciano, he no longer felt that burn of adrenaline he had when they had first been together, and, god help him, when Feliciano rolled over on top of him at night, Ludwig had realized he was engaging in something that felt more like a chore. Feliciano buried his face in Ludwig's neck as he crooned words of adoration, and Ludwig just stared up at the ceiling, and bit down the urge to sigh as he stayed dutifully in place.

He was a terrible person, but he couldn't really help it. It made him feel awful, but he thought it anyway.

He was _bored_.

He couldn't bring himself to say it. He could barely even say, 'I love you', let alone open his mouth and try to explain that he wasn't _happy_. Trying to fumble words that were already bad enough on their own, but that coming out of his ineloquent mouth might have sounded harsher than he meant them to. Putting emotions into words wasn't anything he had ever been good at, so he had gotten out of bed one night after Feliciano had drank too much, packed his things, and hit the road.

It hadn't been right. He knew that. It hadn't been very mature. He knew that, too.

Still, he had done it, because it was easier for him that way. Feliciano would have twisted the conversation around and forced him to stay, one way or another. Trapped. When Feliciano was staring at him, he always folded. Didn't want to hurt his feelings. Sneaking out was the only way.

After that, he had wandered around, aimlessly.

Gilbert was great, he really was, but Ludwig couldn't live with _him_ , because being around Gilbert too much was something quite close to being in hell. Loved him to death, but he just couldn't. Couldn't stay with Roderich, not with the state of his marriage. Couldn't stay with Lovino, either. Too awkward.

So he'd headed out, got on a bus, and found himself on the edge of the North Sea, in this pretty place, in a little German village near the Danish border.

That had been a year ago.

Since then he had found a job and rented himself a shoddy little apartment, and he had called Gilbert a month after he arrived to let him know that he was alive and well. Gilbert had berated him, as a big brother should, but didn't really seem all that mad at him. Gilbert, always so restless, surely could understand what it was like to feel trapped.

In the end, Gilbert had just said, 'Well. Guess it can't be helped. I'll tell him you're alright, 'cause he's been so worried. Call me if you need anything. Don't worry too much about it. He's pissed, but he'll get over it. I hope you find whatever you need. I'll come visit you when I can.'

He loved Gilbert.

He had felt more than a little guilty, though, at the thought of Feliciano searching for him in a panic when he had been alright the whole while. Too late now to fix it. Feliciano had no doubt taken the hint, because it was a pretty goddamn big one. Up and leaving was the most obvious in the long checklist of bad breakup options.

Ludwig found himself now sitting at a desk behind the giant panes of glass, overlooking the rolling sea. Ships coming and going. Not bad scenery, but something always felt off. He missed everyone. Feliciano too, in certain ways. Being alone wasn't as enthralling as he had always thought it would be. Away from home. On his own.

The job itself wasn't too bad. Guiding boats and ships through active waterways and keeping them from crashing into each other or dashing up on the rocks. He got a lot of languages through here, mostly Danish and Norwegian, German and Dutch, English, sometimes French and Spanish. He could fumble the English and the Scandinavian languages, but everything else he passed off to one of his coworkers.

He was getting the hang of it. Months and months of training under someone else.

He was doing it on his own now. Nautical jargon was still a little hard for him, but he had a handle on most things by now. The guys he worked with were helpful, quick to correct mistakes and teach him new words. They clapped him on the back when he did a good job. Not bad. Anyway, it was better than what he had before.

Couldn't help but be melancholy all the same.

Every day, he watched blips on a radar screen, headphones heavy over his ears, and spoke to captains, guiding them when they couldn't see or when their maps weren't up to date. Nothing very interesting. Maybe that was good, because he wasn't a very interesting person.

In early January, when the night sky was clear and the moon was full and the ocean was freezing, Ludwig watched the waves outside the windows, and a sight on his screen eventually caught his attention.

A little boat, creeping steadily towards a crop of rocks.

A little too close for comfort, and he had been quick to tune his radio and focus his wandering eyes. He flipped the stations with one hand, pressing the headphone closer to his ear with the other, and tried to get the boat's attention.

"Hey, ah—northbound. 600 meters offshore. You hear me? You're headed towards the rocks. Port around, eight degrees. Over."

A short silence, and then the radio crackled.

A voice came over the waves. Deep and somewhat dreamy, hardly a silvery rumble in Norwegian.

_"Is this the coast guard? Sorry, I don't speak German."_

Ludwig glanced up at the water, and promptly repeated himself in the preferred language, as best he could. His Norwegian wasn't exactly stunning. Actually, it was really Danish, but they were all mutually intelligible anyway. So he called it Norwegian.

"Northbound. You've got rocks ahead. Port around. Check your map. Um, eight degrees."

Another silence, and the voice came back.

_"Oh! Hello there. My map's not around. Say, it's a nice night, isn't it? I was just watchin' the moon when you called."_

...what?

His head started aching around that time, and it would be a long time before it stopped again.

Ludwig held the button down, furrowed his brow and tried to gather up his words, and then he said, in his clumsy Danish, "Listen here, guy, do what I tell ya if you don't wanna ground yourself on the rocks. Port around."

A crackle of static.

And then, for some unholy reason, the voice on the other end of the speaker said, _"Rocks? I don't see any rocks. Hey—you got a nice voice, you know? I'm sure you get that a lot."_

Wha— _what_?

" _No_ ," he said, harshly, "I _don't_! Because most people are too worried about dyin' out there to think about my voice! You gonna listen to me or not?"

He let go of the button, waited, with his palm on the table and eyes scanning the rolling waves, and then the voice answered him.

Kind of.

_"I'll be honest; I didn't really hear a damn word you said, but listening to ya sure is nice. Love that accent. Well, anyway, I'm headin' out. I have to get back soon. Hey. You work here every day? So I'll know when to come back."_

Ludwig stared at the radio in his hand, chest tight with aggravation, and he wanted to say, 'So go and die then, you goddamn idiot, and see what I care!'

It was only the fact that he was being recorded and that he hadn't been doing this on his own for very long that forced him to grit his teeth and clench his jaw and hiss, "I'm telling you, change direction, _sir_ , or you're gonna ground yourself—"

_"—I might swing back next week. You'll be here next week, right? If not, I'll just keep listening for your voice until I hear it again."_

The plastic creaked in his hand as he clenched it.

Deep breaths. Calm. He could stay calm.

_"What's your name? I bet it's nice."_

Whether he was calm or not was may not have been the issue anymore, since he was pretty much screaming when he slammed his fist on the desk and cried, "Port, man, port!"

The blip drew ever closer to the rocks.

He'd be goddamned if he lost a boat on _his_ watch. This fuckin' job was all he had right now. Nowhere to go if he lost it. And yes, he was absolutely more concerned with the state of his damn job than he was with the well being of the psycho in the boat. Bad person? Yup.

The radar beeped. Dots floating along. He watched the screen, tensely, and gave a 'hmph' when the boat made a sharp turn at the last moment and avoided the rocks.

Stubborn bastard.

 _"Whoa! That was a close one, huh!"_ came the voice over the speaker, and Ludwig shook his head to himself.

"You're welcome," was all he muttered then, and was content to leave it there.

The guy? Not so much.

_"Whew, I gotta tell you though, it was almost worth slamming into 'em just hearing you scream at me. Almost made me crash there, with that voice of yours. Let's do this more often."_

When the boat was starting to go out of his range, the static increased, and there was one final transmission between them.

_"I'll get your name next time. Wait for me. Next week!"_

The radio went silent, the dot disappeared, and the boat floated out of his sight. He slumped back in his seat, blew air through his teeth, and leaned his head backwards. Christ almighty. What a whacko.

The guy at the desk next to him looked over suddenly, a leer on his face, and said, "Well! That was interesting. Looks like someone made a friend."

Aw, fuck.

Ludwig sent a foul look over, turned his eyes back down to the map beneath him, and hoped to god that he wasn't blushing. Probably was, though. Goddammit.

The rest of the night, they giggled about the weirdo in the boat, and Ludwig found himself the office joke. Every time one of them communicated with a ship, they looked up afterwards and called to the room, 'He didn't like my voice, I guess. Didn't crash.'

Laughter.

Ludwig lowered his head, pressed the headphones into his ears, and could feel his cheeks burn every single time. He should have gotten a tan before he came here. At least then they couldn't see him blushing so bad. He hadn't really anticipated being put on the spot like this so often. Hell, this was the most attention anyone other than Feliciano had paid him in a long time.

Not the worst thing in the world.

Nice voice, huh? Ha. Coulda been worse.

Days came and went, the odd boat didn't come back, and Ludwig pushed it from his mind. As much as he could, anyway, for his coworkers' relentless teasing. Every day, they were quick to remind him.

'Hi, Ludwig! Damn, your voice is even nicer in the morning.'

'Better watch the ships extra hard today, guys. Ludwig's gonna make a couple of 'em crash.'

On his day off, he came in the next evening to, 'There he is. We had to go without a siren yesterday. Didn't even lose a single boat.'

Motherfuckers. It was like living with Gilbert all over again.

...not a bad thing for his ego though, if he were honest. It was kinda nice to be teased for something pleasant rather than the old stuff he was used to; his shyness, his awkwardness, 'holy shit, look how red Ludwig's face got when you asked if he had a girlfriend,' all of that blah, blah. He could be vain, too, in certain ways.

The week was coming to an end. Ludwig assumed the ordeal was over.

It was Sunday when the boat finally came back. Ludwig noticed it first because the boat was drifting a little on the snug side to a gigantic ship.

Not even considering the possibility, Ludwig tuned the radio, watched the radar, and said, swiftly, "You're getting too close to a cargo ship, southbound. Keep an eye out."

He waited for a response. A crackle of static, and then a smooth, deep croon over the waves.

_"Hello there! Told you I'd be back. Miss me?"_

Ludwig stared at the radio for a moment, feeling his face falling, and he heaved a sigh as he thunked his head down onto folded arms when he recognized that voice. Son of a bitch.

Absolute mortification.

Cackling and breathless howling all over the room. The man beside of him slapped his palm on his desk, giggling so hard that he started crying. Ludwig was pretty sure then that he would rather have just jumped out of the window and onto the rocks below. He was never going to live this down.

They cackled all night.

Ludwig might have cracked a smile, somewhere down the line, as the boat crept slowly along the waterway and the voice kept trying very hard to get his attention. Just a little smile. Wouldn't admit it, though.

So he just stayed cool, answered the prodding voice only when he had to, and flipped a coworker off every time they giggled too hard.

Vanity was a strange, if not pleasant, sensation. Exhilaration. His veins had been flooded with adrenaline the whole while. He had almost forgotten how that felt.

The damn boat seemed to come by every other day after that.


	2. Null Moon

**Chapter 2**

**Null Moon**

February.

The chill grew stronger.

Ludwig found that his mind had become a little preoccupied. It wasn't really a mystery to anyone as to why, although it had been long enough now that the joke had gotten old and no one really bothered him too much anymore. Ludwig and the little boat had eventually lost everyone's interest.

Almost, at least.

The smug coworker called Francis still seemed pretty stuck on the whole thing, and was always asking Ludwig when he was going to finally commandeer a boat and go out to sea for a romantic rendezvous. It was in Francis' best interest, perhaps, that Ludwig liked him enough to snip at him without too much malice or physicality. Reminded him too much of Gilbert, honestly, to really ever be angry with him.

Still, though, it was often quite tempting to suddenly wrench his head back and break Francis' nose, because whenever that boat came by, it seemed that Francis was always rolling his chair over and hovering behind him. He'd get it one day, friend or no.

As for the psycho on the boat...

_"Miss me?"_

That was always the first thing he said when he came into the waters.

Miss me? Hardly.

If Ludwig had been able to speak his mind for once in his life, he would have told the guy, 'No. I don't miss you. I don't even know you, but you're really fuckin' creepy, and if I had my way you'd get run over by a ship.'

Instead, he usually just found himself heaving a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, and saying, "No."

The guy didn't seem to believe him, as if he found himself so goddamn irresistible that anyone _not_ missing him was just out of the question. As if Ludwig were really just pining away by the radio, counting the minutes until the boat came by and questioning the meaning of life.

After the 'miss me', next always came, _"What's your name?"_

Ludwig never dignified that with a response, not when Francis was leaning back into his chair, hand up to his forehead and mock-swooning.

Ludwig wished that the entire damn office would sink into the sea.

He had gone an entire month like this, with this stubborn man constantly trying to squirm into his affections and Francis loving every second of his misery. Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Always at sunset, without fail.

He still hadn't told the stranger his name, because, god! Why would he? Fuckin' psycho that he was. Ludwig wondered sometimes if the weirdo would actually try to come ashore one day to seek him out.

A shudder.

It seemed that every time he came by, the man just got bolder and bolder.

One Tuesday, when he swung by, he said to Ludwig, _"Say! It's gonna be really hard for me to ask you on a date if you won't tell me your name."_

A heavy sigh beside of him, and when Ludwig glanced over, it was only to see Francis clasping his hands together, biting his bottom lip, and whispering, in a sultry tone, _"C'est l'amour!"_

Blushing so terribly that he was probably about to catch fire, Ludwig turned his head, hunkered down, and drew the speaker up to his mouth in an effort to curl up into a ball and die. But he didn't. Fuckin' figured.

"Don't you have anything better to do?" he finally hissed, when his voice came back and Francis had stopped tittering and flailing.

_"Not particularly."_

Obviously.

Agitation.

"You're still in an active waterway, you know? Why are you sittin' there? Move along."

_"Ah,"_ was the unconcerned response, _"I trust that you'll tell me if I'm about to get mowed down by a cargo ship."_

"I won't," Ludwig muttered stubbornly, even though he would, and the man laughed.

The man, ignoring his snip, carried on quite merrily with his one-sided banter, and crooned, _"You know, speaking of dates, my boat's not too bad. Got a little bed and everything. Maybe you should come aboard one day."_

Ludwig barked a laugh, despite his best effort not to, at the sheer _audacity_.

Didn't even know this guy!

Somehow, he managed to utter, "Nice try! Sorry, though. I'm more of a dinner-and-a-show kinda guy."

A quick, eager, _"I can do that! I'm my own show, you know."_

Ludwig buried his face in his palm so that he wouldn't have to see Francis then.

Finally, mercifully, the blip started approaching the end of the radar before Ludwig had an aneurysm.

That night, the man drifted off and left him a strange, surreal warning as he went.

_"I know you're lookin' for me and all,_ (looking for him? Ha! As if!) _but when you go outside don't stare too much at the moon on the water. Much as I've gotten attached to ya, I'd hate for it to drag you in."_

Well. That was...sweet?

Not really knowing what else to do, Ludwig just sighed, brought the radio up, and muttered, "Yeah, sure. Thanks for lookin' out for me. I've heard moonlight is the worst way to die."

A muffled burst of laughter from the adjacent desk, quickly stifled by palms when Ludwig sent over a sharp glare.

_"Excellent. Night! Thursday alright for you?"_

A beleaguered sigh.

"Thursday's fine."

The man still asked, every night, even though his schedule was exactly the same. Ludwig used the patience that Gilbert had instilled within him to always reply, 'So-and-so is fine.'

Every night seemed like the longest of his life.

When it was time to go home, Ludwig was as grateful as if someone had just saved him from being hit by a train.

On the way out of the office that night, Francis crooned to his back, "Can I be the best man?"

Ludwig slammed the door as hard as he could.

* * *

March.

Hard as he tried not to, Ludwig couldn't really deny that he was steadily getting attached to that stupid voice. Hard not to, as much as he heard it. No doubt that had been the man's intention all along. Proud as he was, Ludwig would never have admitted to it, though, even if a gun had been pressed into his head. Wouldn't ever admit that maybe he got a little excited when he heard that voice coming in over the waves.

For a while, anyway.

Lately, it seemed that he always felt restless.

The radio was nice, but a voice wasn't really a substitute for an actual human being. Still went home alone. Still by himself. He was a loner by nature, but being alone all the time was somehow still stifling.

So, whenever Francis wanted to take him out, Ludwig obliged, because Francis was the only person he knew here. The _only_ person he knew. The only one.

Absolutely.

Still, though, whenever they sat together in one of those Danish cafes that Francis dragged him all the way over the border for, Ludwig couldn't help but rest his chin in his hand and wonder what that weirdo looked like. If the man was as appealing and charming as the voice.

Probably not, knowing his luck.

Some forty-year-old man wearing clothes that were covered in fish oil. Yellow raincoat and hooks. Ugh.

Francis saw his mood more than Ludwig would have liked, and was always quick to try and perk him up whenever he looked a bit melancholy.

Reaching out, Francis nudged his shoulder, and directed Ludwig's gaze down to the bay below.

"So," came the sly question, "Think your late-night lover is down there somewhere? Bet he docks every day and cries a little bit because you won't tell him your name. Probably sits on his deck at night and writes poetry."

Stupid.

It was the way Francis said it, though, and maybe the complete absurdity of the situation, that had Ludwig giggling, despite his best efforts not to. Just the thought of it all.

Francis seemed happy enough to hear him laughing, and when it was time to go back across the nearby border, he stood up, and offered his hand to Ludwig in a flourish. Ludwig took it, because having a friend felt pretty damn good, and when Francis hauled him upright, he found that he felt considerably better. Couldn't stand being so lonely all the time, and Francis seemed quite capable of fixing that.

Francis started walking, Ludwig at his side, and when he glanced over, Francis added, "Well, dinner's done. Time for a show?"

Again, Ludwig heard himself laughing.

Had anyone else ever found themselves in such an odd situation? Did this ever happen to normal people? The strangest experience he'd ever had, that much was certain.

In the end, though, he shouldn't have laughed. Not when there was an unknown face out there that had apparently made it his single goal in life to recognize the sound of Ludwig's voice.

Hadn't even thought of something smart to say to Francis when he heard that voice behind him.

"Say! I knew if I waited around here long enough I'd bump into you eventually."

A moment of horror.

Francis seemed to freeze up like a rock, and Ludwig, in a panic, whirled around, coming face to face with a man that was way too close to him to be comfortable. And if he hadn't heard that damn voice, he probably would've punched the guy in the eye right then and there for being a creep. But it was that damn voice that kept Ludwig's hand still.

That voice.

Oh, _no_ —

He opened his mouth, sputtered something incomprehensible, and just gawked at the man in front of him. Holy shit. It took an embarrassing amount of time before Ludwig's brain could even start working again.

That voice. That _man_.

That fuckin' psycho.

Well. He wasn't a forty-year-old with fish hooks.

Actually, when Ludwig was able to observe him properly, he wondered if maybe there was a misunderstanding. Nothing like what he had expected, that was for sure. Actually, the guy was a lot less... _intimidating_ than Ludwig had imagined.

Older than Ludwig by a good eight years or so perhaps, a little shorter than he was but almost as pale. Broad shoulders and pretty wide. Fairly well-built, for working on on the sea, no doubt, and the sheen of his hair was rather dewey. Fawn-colored, he supposed, a bit unkempt, loose in the wind. Pale lashes, long over dark blue eyes. A rather round face, neatly trimmed sideburns above a prominent jaw. Freckles from wind and the sun over the bridge of his straight nose. Neat, well-pressed clothing, despite being on the water so often. All in all, a normal-looking specimen of a man, just a typical Norwegian man, big and stocky and handsome, neat and clean and somewhat prim. Coulda used a shave, though, and that unique, unnerving smile was a little too eager.

A normal guy.

Didn't seem crazy, at first glance. Maybe just a little odd. A far-off, somewhat dreamy look on his face, as if only half of him were there.

Despite that apparent aloofness, the guy seemed to be observing Ludwig just as hard, and was much more obvious about it, eyeballing him up and down without any shame.

When he spoke again, his deep, smooth voice was quite content.

"Hey. You're even better lookin' than I thought ya'd be. Not that I'd'a minded, you know, if you hadn't been. I already got attached to ya."

...was this really happening?

Francis, for once in his life, seemed speechless, mouth gaping open and brow squinted, as if he really just couldn't believe what he was seeing and hearing.

It was Francis, somehow, that had most of Ludwig's attention. The bastard had spent so long teasing Ludwig about this man, so long getting on Ludwig's nerves about this inevitable encounter, and yet, now that they stood here, Francis had shifted.

He stood somewhat in front of Ludwig, his shoulder pushed out into Ludwig's chest and his arm held out slightly as if to push Ludwig back behind him, and there was no joke on his face as he stared that man down with focused eyes and a clamped jaw. At his sides, his fists were clenched. Ready for anything. Francis' shoulders and body were so stiff that he looked like he might have tottered over at any moment. Contemplating, maybe, on whether or not he wanted to punch this man.

Not so funny, perhaps, now that physical contact had actually been made. As if Francis were suddenly realizing that this whacko could actually be dangerous. Ludwig might have agreed, if he weren't so dumbfounded.

The guy took another step forward, glossy hair blowing in the wind and eyes lidded, and he kept on smiling.

"Say, you haven't told me your name yet."

Ludwig couldn't even speak, so stunned that even _thinking_ suddenly seemed like a hassle. Brave little fucker, that was for sure, to come up to a stranger like that and start flattering.

A step forward, coming ever farther into Ludwig's personal space, and Ludwig felt himself getting ever tenser. (To be a little fair to the guy, Ludwig considered his 'personal space' to be about the size of a small city.) Another step, and Ludwig started bracing his shoulders.

Alright, time to call the cops. He could already hear it in his head :

'Yes, operator? The nearest police department please! Yes, this is an emergency, I'm being stalked. Yes, I'm afraid for my life. Hurry up and come get him before I knock him out.'

The guy, apparently completely unaware that Ludwig was contemplating having him hauled off, kept his hands tucked in his pockets and smiled in a strange, lopsided manner that would have been charming if he weren't so damn creepy.

Ludwig opened his mouth, but before he could think of anything good to say, Francis had snapped out of his immobility and had grabbed Ludwig by the arm. A firm yank backwards. Ludwig didn't protest, and let Francis try to put some distance between them and the insane man gawking at them.

As Ludwig was pulled away, the man called, quickly, "Hey! My name's Lukas, by the way!"

A trot behind him, footsteps on the sidewalk, and Ludwig shouldn't have, he _knew_ it, but couldn't help it.

He looked over his shoulder.

Shouldn't'a looked back.

The weirdo stopped following at the sight of Ludwig's gaze, broke into another one of those crooked smiles, eyes lit up, and it was with obvious excitement that he called, again, "I'm Lukas! Lukas! I'll come back again and look for you!'

Oh, he shouldn't have looked back. All it had done was embolden an already too-bold man. He had no doubt thought that Ludwig looking back meant that Ludwig was interested, and that was only going to spur him on all the more.

Well...

The guy stopped following them, which was lucky for him become Francis' face had started getting a little red from anger, and Ludwig could only stumble along at Francis' side and feel a little like he was in outer space. Couldn't even believe it. Francis muttered the whole time they walked back, and Ludwig only paid about half of the attention he should have, because his mind was busy contemplating.

Well!

The guy was handsome, he couldn't really deny that. And, when he thought about it, maybe it wasn't so bad. Hypocritical, absolutely, but he couldn't help but think that it was a little less creepy to be stalked by a looker. Only a little, though.

By god, if he were any worse a person he'd be locked up somewhere.

When they got back into their own city, Francis shoved Ludwig into his apartment, followed him in, and locked the door. Francis stayed there until nightfall, as if worried the psycho had followed him home or something.

Ludwig felt rather dazed. Somewhere in there, there might have been a little excitement. Just a little.

And then, suddenly, when Ludwig went in to work the next day, he realized that he had started looking forward to being in the office.

His name was Lukas.

But _then_ , suddenly, out of nowhere, Lukas didn't come by. The first time they had seen each other, and just like that, Lukas vanished.

Ludwig waited.

Tuesday came and went, and the boat didn't show.

Ludwig couldn't say why he felt a little down at the end of his shift.

Wednesday. Boring.

Thursday couldn't come soon enough, and Ludwig waited.

The boat didn't come.

Friday. Not interesting.

The next day, though, he found himself speaking frequently into his speaker, giving passengers tips and warnings he usually assumed were already known. Francis glanced at him from time to time, and Ludwig knew his look was saying, 'Wow, you're talkative today.' Didn't know why, because he couldn't think of any good reason other than that maybe someone would hear his voice and respond.

That wasn't pitiful, right?

He didn't have anyone else that really paid him any attention.

Every time he pushed that button and spoke, the jitteriness of adrenaline lit him up. Instead of an annoyance, he had started looking forward to those certain days.

So when Sunday came, slow and dreary, Ludwig watched the waves outside and tapped his pencil on the desk, feeling gloomy. Francis was off. Loneliness creeping up.

The sun lowered, and then, over the static, a croon.

_"Miss me?"_

His pride wanted to say, 'No way!', but he had already dropped his pencil and banged his head on the desk as he went to pick it up, so it seemed pointless to even bother.

Because he had.

_"Sorry I missed ya this week. Had to go deal with a blockhead, and anyway, I guess Skadi was gone or something because the sea was really damn bad."_

Well, Ludwig had understood at least half of that.

He felt himself sitting idle, the radio clenched in his hand. Spent all that time talkin', and now suddenly he couldn't seem to find in his voice.

In the end, he managed a gruff, "Don't worry about it. I needed a break from you anyway."

Sure. Lukas seemed just as convinced.

_"Oh, no doubt! I can just hear how much you hate me."_

If self-satisfied leers could be broadcast over the radio, Ludwig was pretty sure one woulda popped out then and smacked him on the head.

...damn. There he went, stifling another smile.

Most people probably wouldn't have been flattered about being stalked. Couldn't really help it, though, and Ludwig didn't have much of a choice but to admit to himself that he was kind of charmed. Fascinated. People had walked by him all his life without a second glance.

_"So,"_ Lukas said, quite randomly, _"When do I get to see ya again? Your voice is nice and all, but I'd rather look at you if it's all the same."_

Ludwig stared intently at the radar, swallowed, and sighed through his nose. Glad, for once, that Francis wasn't there.

Then he clicked the button, and answered.

"I'm always here."

An open-ended answer, full of potential that he was too scared to say aloud.

The answer was swift, and knowing.

_"That's funny. So am I."_

Enthralling.

The weirdo named Lukas was the only person in the world now who really seemed interested in him.


	3. Heaven's Night

**Chapter 3**

**Heaven's Night**

April.

He should have known that his constant fraternizing with Lukas over the radio on the job would get him into trouble.

It had only been a matter of time.

Still, though, when the rarely-seen supervisor stuck his head out of the office door and called, gently, "Ludwig!" Ludwig was pretty certain that he could have fallen over and died. His entire life had been spent being unnoticed and inconspicuous, and he had always liked it that way. Hadn't ever been singled out like that before.

Everyone looking at him only intensified his anxiety and panic.

Francis glanced up, watching quite intently, but was silent as Ludwig stood up and walked over to the office.

Felt sick. His heart was hammering so hard that he thought he was gonna faint. He'd never been in trouble in his life, not once. Hadn't ever broken a single rule. Not _once_.

The supervisor waved his hand, ushering Ludwig in, and even though he was smiling, Ludwig still felt rather nauseous as he sat down in front of the desk. A short look, and then small talk.

"So! Ludwig, you're quiet all the time, huh? How have you been liking it here? I don't think I've ever even spoken to you since you started."

A wring of his hands in his lap, and Ludwig tried to smile, shrugging a shoulder.

"It's nice. I'm getting used to it, I guess. Still get a little nervous."

Another smile, and then the supervisor tried to gently get into what he really wanted.

"Yeah, I can tell. You're shy, huh? Everyone says you're a nice guy. Maybe a little too nice."

A sinking of his stomach.

"I, uh, I noticed that someone's been botherin' you a lot lately. Well! Don't know if bothering is the right word. You know what I mean."

Ludwig nodded, and knew he was paling.

"It's none of my business, you know, what you do outside of work, and... Well. It's just that, we deal with such a high volume of ships, and it's so important to keep focused. If someone stops paying attention and a ship hits an outcrop or something, that's a lot of trouble for us. You've been doing a great job so far, don't get me wrong, everyone says so, it's just... I just want to make sure that nothing goes wrong. And, well, you can see that this is a bit of a distraction, can't you?"

Ludwig could only nod, again.

"So... It's not going to be a problem anymore, is it? I trust that you can stay focused and just start ignoring that, if it keeps happening. Am I right?"

Another nod.

"Thank you. That's all, Ludwig. I'll let you get back to work. Keep it up. You've been doing great, you really have."

Musta been white as a sheet, and was well beyond mortified when he stood up and walked back out. Felt like he stumbled to his desk more than walked to it, and Francis was quick to scuttle over, leaning in and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Well?" he asked. "What was it?"

Francis already knew, no doubt, but seemed determined to figure out if Ludwig was in real trouble or not. Probably just looking for an excuse to knock Lukas' block off.

Ludwig just shook his head, too embarrassed to speak, and Francis nudged him.

"You're not in trouble, though, right?"

Ludwig shook his head again, and lowered his eyes to the map on the desk.

Not really, not this time. He'd gotten off the hook pretty easily, all things considered, and was quite lucky. A second time, though...

So the next night that Lukas came by, chirping that cheery, _"Miss me?"_ , Ludwig had to bring the radio up and say, "Southbound, carry on. Ships behind you."

Stung a little, to be so curt and short, and Lukas was quiet for a minute. Ludwig felt pretty goddamn terrible about it, if he were honest. He'd gotten _attached_ to Lukas. Hated saying it, but there it was.

Lukas was quiet, yeah, but not angry, as it turned out. When he spoke again, his voice was as cool as ever.

_"Did I get ya in trouble?"_

Astute, as always.

Ludwig, reluctant to answer, looked quickly around the room. Wished he didn't have to feel so paranoid now, but he couldn't really risk chatting with Lukas after he had just been lectured on it.

Didn't have anywhere else to go if he lost this job. The thought of having to go crawling to Gilbert or Feliciano was terrifying.

Finally, Ludwig just said, quietly, "Carry on."

Lukas seemed to take that as a 'yes'.

Still didn't shut the hell up, though, stubborn as he was.

_"Aw, that's too bad. Well, I can't say that I'm too bothered. Anyway, I can always come to shore anytime and see you, huh?"_

Lukas waited for a response, obviously trying to prod Ludwig into responding.

So _stubborn_.

Ludwig didn't budge, even as Lukas kept trying.

_"I just like talking to you. Sure wish you'd talk back, though! Damn, I miss that voice already. Say, why we don't just go on that date? And you still haven't told me your name."_

Ludwig couldn't say why it hurt, to lower his eyes to the desk and force himself to stay quiet, no matter how hard Lukas tried. Hated it.

Finally, thankfully, Lukas took the hint, and started drifting off.

As he went, he said _, "Ah, don't worry about it. I'm not mad at you, so don't worry about it."_

Right when the blip was on the cusp, knowing it would be the last transmission, Ludwig looked around, brought the speaker up, and said, as quickly as he could, "Sorry."

Hoped Lukas got it, before they were cut off.

Maybe he hadn't.

After that, Lukas didn't come around for a couple of weeks. Ludwig regretted it, despite his full effort not to. Couldn't help but feel all the more hurt. Lukas had said he wasn't mad, but still didn't show. Hadn't he said he wasn't mad?

It was for the best, he knew, if Lukas just stopped showing up, but Ludwig couldn't seem to stop looking for him. That voice. Missed it so much. No one else paid attention to him, not like that.

Francis looked over at him sometimes, when he stared out at the water, feeling rather despondent, and seemed to be almost as regretful. Not at Lukas' absence, certainly; Francis must have been glad for that, but maybe he regretted the sinking of Ludwig's mood, after trying so hard to perk him up all the time. Sometimes, he reached over, clapped Ludwig on the shoulder, and said, as cheerily as he could, 'Hey, why you look so sad, huh? I'm still here, aren't I? I can take you on a date. A better one! So don't even worry about it!'

Ludwig tried, he really did. Just never worked.

Those weeks felt like years.

Sometimes, when Ludwig went out with Francis, he found himself looking around, hoping to see a flash of that pale hair or a crooked smile.

Nothing.

So, when more days passed and Ludwig had almost given up, when Lukas came back, when that old voice came over the radio out of nowhere one night, Ludwig couldn't help it. He couldn't help it.

_"Miss me?"_

He picked the speaker up, brought it to his mouth, and moaned, quietly, "You're gonna get me fired."

Couldn't _not_ talk to Lukas, after all that time, just couldn't. Knowing that sneaky son of a bitch, that might have been Lukas' intentions all along. Lukas seemed to be doing a rather brilliant job of reeling him farther in. Sure was a fisherman, alright.

Lukas just gave a short laugh, and seemed thoroughly unconcerned.

_"You're one to talk. You already got_ me _fired. I was supposed to be back home a month ago, but you had to go and keep me out here. That damn voice of yours oughta be illegal, messing men up like that. I had a good thing going for me. Now I'm just sleepin' on my boat."_

A flash of irritation, and he hissed into the speaker, "Don't you try to blame anything on _me_! I told you to get outta here, didn't I? You don't listen. I tried to get rid of you."

...yeah, for that first week, maybe. Then his efforts hadn't been exactly convincing.

Lukas seemed just as convinced, and crooned, _"That's funny. I had a different impression. So. You gonna tell me your name? I told you mine."_

Even though he knew he was on thin ice, even though he knew he was breaking rules, Ludwig couldn't really seem to _help_ it. Lukas had been successful in charming him, and he was subconsciously risking more than he would have liked for it.

Just because Lukas paid attention to him.

So he gave in, finally, and told the crazy son of a bitch his name, because maybe some part of him expected to be fired and then he would never hear from Lukas again.

"It's Ludwig."

He could only imagine that Lukas was smiling in that crooked way when he said, _"I knew it would be a nice name. Honestly, though, I saw you as an Otto."_

Ludwig crinkled his nose, and retorted, "I saw you as more of an Engelbret."

_"Well,"_ Lukas said, quite smoothly, _"If ya do get fired, you can just come and sleep on my boat, too. Think I mighta invited ya already, but I'll extend my offer again. I don't fish much, so I promise it doesn't smell. I got room for someone else in the bed. Might be a little cramped, though. Don't think I'll complain too much. Say, did I tell you last time that you got nice eyes?"_

How romantic.

What an audacious jerk.

"How kind of you," Ludwig snipped, "but I think I'll pass. I get seasick."

A lie, but a believable one. Not an excuse, apparently.

_"I make a killer tea. Gets rid of that stuff in a minute. What do you say, huh? Don't you get bored in there?"_

Ludwig shifted, irritably, and glanced up at the water.

Yeah. Yeah, he did. Hated it in here sometimes. Felt stifled. Trapped. Just wanted to get out there, and Ludwig didn't really know for what. Didn't want to admit that it was Lukas making him so restless. Didn't have to, really. Lukas, either far more aware than his dreamy eyes gave away or extremely lucky by nature, seemed to know exactly what effect he was having. Maybe Ludwig's silence gave him away.

_"I'm going to come dock in the morning to see you,"_ Lukas said, in a very pointed voice, without having waited for an answer, and Ludwig looked over to see that Francis was glaring over at him from the next desk.

A hand raised up to his neck, and Francis drew it across repeatedly, clearly trying to say, 'Don't you go anywhere near that psycho!'

Mouthing, over and over again, 'No!'

A valid warning.

But Lukas' constant efforts and endless compliments had done a good job of entrancing him, as they had no doubt been intended, and honestly, the whole thing was almost beyond his control. The way he was, he could only refuse something for so long. Persistence was his downfall. Sure had been with Feliciano.

So, Ludwig, despite Francis' shaking head, slowly said, "Alright."

Francis narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips.

Lukas' voice lit up as much as the moon at his consent, and it was a little beautiful, Ludwig would admit, the sound of it.

_"Tomorrow, then! I'll be looking for you, so don't stand me up, please. I'm very sensitive."_

Ludwig rolled his eyes, and grumbled, "Sure you are."

With that, Lukas was gone, and Ludwig sat dumbly at the desk, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into.

Francis just sighed, and glowered at his map.

Ludwig found that, as soon as Lukas left, the time until 'tomorrow' was starting to drag.

Worries. Fear.

Lukas may have said it, but Ludwig was fully aware that _he_ was the sensitive one, despite his outward appearances at aloofness. If it had been the other way around, if Lukas were the one to (god forbid) stand _him_ up, Ludwig would have gone home, buried his head under his pillow and would have never shown his face in the light of day ever again. Terrifying, somehow, the thought of going down to the dock and Lukas not being there. Feeling stupid.

The night passed in a slow, lurching daze, as he clenched his blanket and stared at the ceiling and prayed that he wouldn't do anything to humiliate himself. Oh, god, didn't even know what to do. Couldn't even sleep. Trying to think of things to say. Trying to think of how to not make a fool of himself.

Trying to remember what Lukas looked like.

What if he walked right by Lukas without recognizing him and Lukas sailed off in a huff?

He tossed and turned all night, and was aware that he probably looked like hell in the morning. Didn't bother shaving when he got up, and barely pressed his shirt. Left the top button undone in a rare moment of sloppiness.

His head hurt.

Trying to remember every detail about Lukas.

All that effort, and yet Ludwig found that when it came down to it, when he was down on the pier in the early morning, he recognized Lukas immediately. Ludwig saw that hair first, gleaming in the sun, and had found himself trotting over more than walking. Petrified, and yet enthralled. Lukas had docked alright, just as he said he would, but hadn't come down to shore, quite content to stay on the deck of his boat.

The boat itself was rather nondescript, bland and small, but Lukas was the farthest thing from boring, and when he saw Ludwig coming, he came over to the railing and leaned so far over that for a moment Ludwig thought he would topple right down into the bay.

Ludwig smiled, then, at the state of it all.

Of being here. Of finding himself in this situation.

Lukas seemed as keen, and, rather than coming down, he had folded his arms, rested his head above them, and seemed perfectly content to leer down at Ludwig from above, hair shining away in the pale light of morning. Alert and bright and quite happy. Maybe even a little relieved. Maybe he hadn't thought Ludwig would really swing by.

"Morning," came the swift, charming croon, as Lukas gawked down at him, and Ludwig tried to appear less awkward than he felt.

Couldn't pull it off, though, and only managed a weird, jerking wave of his hand and a gruff, "Morning."

Oh, damn it. Blew that one.

With that pathetic greeting out of the way, Ludwig found himself waiting. And waiting. Lukas didn't come down, though, and Ludwig wasn't sure why he was so disappointed. Why he wanted that weirdo anywhere near him in the first place.

For a moment, though, Ludwig almost forgot his anxiety, just seeing Lukas. Handsome, as Ludwig had remembered, without actually appearing as if he were trying to be. Neat clothes blowing in the wind, that quirky smile present on his face. Ludwig found himself feeling a little dazed, then, at the sight of that man.

An unnerving shaking of his hands, from the adrenaline of nervousness and attraction.

Wondered, though, why an interesting, handsome man like Lukas was even interested in him in the first place. Crazy or not, Lukas probably could have had his pick. Ludwig hadn't ever really been anything special, especially compared to a guy who was wary of moonlight and complimented a complete stranger on his fuckin' voice while trying to steer a boat.

Guy like that.

Lukas glanced around suddenly, eyes lit up nearly gold in the sunlight, and his smooth voice asked, "Where's your friend?"

Ah. Maybe Lukas hadn't come down just because he didn't want to be strangled and tossed into the sea.

"Asleep, I guess," Ludwig said, hands in his pockets as he squinted up at Lukas through the light.

Lukas smiled, and said, "Ah, good. Don't think he likes me too much. Thought he was gonna knock me out last time. I gotta be careful around you, I guess! That's okay, though. Well worth the effort. Ludwig."

Hearing his name being pronounced in Lukas' silvery tone was a little odd, but not unpleasant.

A tint of red on his face, and he averted his eyes from Lukas' gaze for a second as the words lit up that ever-latent self-consciousness. The dismal side of him wanted to ask, 'Why?' Couldn't understand why Lukas had honed in on him like that.

Seemed that Lukas enjoyed making him squirm and fidget, though, and kept on yappin'.

"You look particularly nice this morning," Lukas added, before Ludwig could think of anything to say, and the burn on his face seemed to be growing.

So was Lukas' smarmy smile.

"Shouldn't'a gone through all that trouble for me."

His eyes glued themselves firmly to his shoes, shoulders lifting and lowing as he smiled in nothing less than absolute embarrassment. Trouble? The first time in his life he hadn't bothered to gloss himself, and Lukas thought he'd made an actual effort to look appealing.

A sudden, eager murmur from Lukas, drifting above the breeze of the water.

"You sure are shy for such a handsome guy. How's that?"

Aw, hell, now his hand was reaching up to scratch at his head, and he knew he was shuffling his feet. Must have been so red by then that he looked sun-burnt, and his anxiety seemed to make Lukas bolder. When he gathered the courage to look back up, Lukas was beaming, leaning as far as he could over the railing, trying very hard to keep eye contact with Ludwig, who gave a valiant effort but couldn't keep it up for long.

Lukas just kept on trying though, ducking his head as far down as he could in constant attempts to meet Ludwig's eyes. Whenever he was successful, Lukas just smiled.

A sudden, random, "Man, you sure do have pretty eyes, you know?"

Ludwig, desperate for Lukas to stop humiliating him, wanted to say, 'Aren't you gonna come down?' But he didn't have the nerve, and Lukas seemed content to stay up there and eyeball him from above.

When he finally felt stupid, just standing there below, Ludwig lifted his shoulders and said, "I gotta go."

Lukas just leered, and raised his eyebrows.

"Sure about that? If it means I get to look at ya, I can sit out here all day."

" _I_ can't," Ludwig retorted, more gently than he meant to. "I gotta work."

Wished he didn't have to, though. That smile that Lukas gave him was far beyond fascinating. Hadn't ever really seen anything like it. Somehow, Ludwig realized that he would very much have liked to stand there beneath the shadow of that boat all day, just looking up at that insane man.

"Or," Lukas offered, "Like I said, you can always just come aboard. I'm still trying to take you out on a date, by the way. Think I've said that before. Can't remember. You're so pretty ya make me forget stuff."

He had said it. Several times.

Ludwig, embarrassed and writhing in the pathetic throes of self-consciousness, finally managed one final squint at Lukas, and said, "I'm thinking about it."

Sad part was that he was, although the very annoying voice in his head was reminding him that Lukas was probably very much out of his league, and a date would only make that obvious. He'd hate to blow it, and have Lukas wander off in search of a better venture.

Lukas tilted his head, and, as Ludwig turned on his heel to walk off, he called, "Damn, what's a poor guy gotta do to make you stop thinking and say ' _yes_ '?"

Ludwig turned around, briefly, and replied, with a tremor, "Persistence."

That was the truth, though, and what else could he have said? 'Flowers?'

...flowers mighta been nice, though.

A shout at his back.

"Ludwig!"

He looked, back, again, and Lukas just shook his head, and smiled.

Ludwig prodded, "What?"

"Nothin!" Lukas called, a hand shielding his eyes from the rising sun. "I just like sayin' your name! Wish you weren't so hard to get, though. Ah, hell, I'm gonna keep trying. I'll get ya yet! I don't give up!"

Yeah, he could tell.

Ludwig whirled around so that Lukas wouldn't see the new blush, and tromped off.

His heart hammered for the rest of the day, and Francis watched him, suspiciously, but didn't ask. Afraid to, maybe.

Lukas came by a lot after that, always docking but never coming down. Ludwig wondered, a little, if Lukas was just reeling him in all the more, putting himself in sight like that but keeping a distance between them. If he was, then, just like the constant radio chatter, it was kind of working. Seemed like Lukas knew how to push his buttons.

Ludwig just found himself walking below, and looking up.

Even though Lukas was the one chasing him, he did it so skillfully that he was actually convincing Ludwig that he was the one chasing Lukas. Seemed that every morning, the first thing he did was race down to the peer to see if that boat was there.

Francis just watched him come and go, but never said a word. Didn't have the heart, maybe, to rain on the parade. Not the way Ludwig had realized that he had come to work smiling.

Lukas came by almost every day, and Ludwig just waited for him to finally come down from the balcony.

A date seemed more appealing every day, even if he'd mess it up.

If he were completely honest, Ludwig would have done anything that that crazy man had asked him to do.

Hadn't smiled in so long.


	4. Black Fairy

**Chapter 4**

**Black Fairy**

May.

Lukas was gone.

Hadn't come by in three weeks. Ludwig didn't know why, and could only sit there by the radio and wait.

Wait.

Had he done something wrong? Had he made Lukas angry, somewhere down the line? Had he just not been interesting enough? Lukas had said he didn't give up, and yet he didn't come by anymore.

Ludwig had tried his best not to think it, not to admit it, not to acknowledge it, but the more days that passed, the more denying it was pointless. He _missed_ Lukas. Missed that voice. Missed those eyes. Missed that strange, dreamy smile. Lukas had done this before, had vanished like this before, but not for this long, and he had only done that because Ludwig hadn't been speaking to him. This time was different. What had he done? Lukas had seemed so intent, so interested.

Hated saying it, made him feel pathetic, but Ludwig's feelings were hurt. He missed Lukas, and was suffering for it.

Even Francis couldn't pick him up any more, no matter how much he tried. And Ludwig hated that, too, because Francis was starting to look a bit down. Cheery guy like that; hated seeing him look upset.

Couldn't help it.

Just wondered where Lukas was, and why he had gone.

Ludwig racked his brain all day and all night, trying to figure it out. What had he done wrong? Maybe he should have been bolder all those days that Lukas had smiled down at him from above. Maybe he should have taken more initiative. Maybe Lukas had finally realized that Ludwig just really wasn't _worth_ all of the time and effort that he had been putting into it.

Maybe Lukas had seen how plain and boring he was.

Oh—that hurt to think.

Three weeks.

Three long weeks since the boat had last come into his waters. He found himself sitting there absently at his desk, clocked in and yet very much checked out, watching the moon over the sea and feeling perpetually melancholy. The speech over the radio always seemed garbled. Didn't feel like working, but didn't have anything else to do.

Lukas was gone.

Finally, one raining day, as he traced a pencil over the map absently and tried to listen to Francis' gentle chatter, the radio started crackling. He peered up, breath held, and waited. Always did, no matter how many times he was disappointed.

Silence.

And then a voice. Familiar.

When _that_ voice finally came over the speaker, Ludwig nearly dropped the pencil straight to the floor, sat up like an arrow in his seat, and gripped the radio for dear life.

_"Long time, no see! Miss me?"_

Oh, god, had he ever, and he couldn't really describe what he was feeling in that instant. Relief, anger, happiness, frustration, irritation, exhilaration. Was so angry at Lukas, but so happy to hear him. Was so upset at him for leaving, but was upset that he had returned.

Didn't know what he was feeling, but he knew damn well what _Francis_ was feeling; Ludwig could see the narrowing of his eyes, the pursing of his lips, the clenching of his jaw, and the look of absolute and unadulterated annoyance upon his face. Francis sure as hell hadn't ever wanted Lukas to come back, and made it obvious with that look.

In a way, Ludwig understood the sentiment; Lukas came and went so frequently that it was rather frustrating, and sometimes hurtful. He was stable, and liked other people to be stable, too. And yet...

That excitement just under the surface was what kept him from being truly angry, and so did the overwhelming gloominess that came up out of godawful nowhere.

So blue, suddenly, at hearing Lukas' voice.

Lukas seemed quite content, as always, as if there had never been any gap at all.

_"Hope you missed me. I sure did miss you. Been alright? Didn't look at the moon did you?"_

Eh.

Ludwig wanted to snap, 'Who the hell cares about the moon? Where have you been? I've been waiting for a month!'

Instead, he was too dreary and lethargic to try to argue, and just said, a bit morosely, "Why'd you come back? I thought you'd gone. You were gone."

Lukas didn't seem as bothered as Ludwig felt.

_"Nah! No way. But, you know, even I have to get out of the water sometimes. I'll start growing fins soon. Think I already feel some damn gills. Back of my neck's been itchin' like crazy."_

He couldn't smile.

A short silence. Ludwig gathered his thoughts.

"Why'd you leave?" he finally asked, despite himself, and although they weren't anything, so to speak, Ludwig felt that after all of that work, he was at least entitled to an explanation. They weren't 'they', not 'us', not 'we', but Ludwig had felt like they had at least been 'you and me'. The way that Lukas had made him feel important wasn't such an easy thing to let go of.

But Lukas might have actually seemed content, pleased perhaps, that Ludwig wanted to know, and his voice was ever more lofty when he spoke again.

_"I went home, for a while. Tried to get things right. Fix up a few things here and there. Clean. Get settled. You know, in case someone new swings by my house and wants to stay there for a while."_

If that was a hint or something, then Ludwig wasn't sure if it was really meant for him. Still felt so unsure about the ground on which he stood with Lukas. Lukas kept vanishing like mist.

So, Ludwig asked, again, "Why'd you come back?"

He had been gone for so long, and Ludwig had slowly started accepting that maybe it was for good. Lukas kept throwing him off. Kept making him look over his shoulder.

Lukas' answer.

_"For you."_

Him? _Why_?

Francis had rested his chin in his palm and was glowering away at the waves, shaking his head to himself. The silence then wasn't awkward so much as disheartening. Ludwig couldn't seem to shake off his gloominess, no matter what Lukas said.

Well. Almost.

Lukas wasn't done, apparently, and perhaps this new absence had made him even bolder. If that were possible.

_"So,"_ Lukas finally said, _"I've been out here a long damn time now. Thought you woulda figured it out by now._ _I was waiting and waiting, but you don't take hints well, I guess. I gotta be forward with you. I'd'a died out here waiting for you to make the first move. Guess you need someone to do it for you. So. I'm gonna take you on a date. No if, ands or buts. Come on a date with me."_

A command. Not a request.

Ludwig would have snapped something nasty if his heart hadn't been hammering so hard. A little dizzy. He tried to think of something clever to say, and his voice failed him, as it usually did.

Lukas seemed happy to carry on without him, as usual.

_"You're off tomorrow, right? Guess I'll come to dock in the morning. Say, ten? We can spend the day together. I'll try to dress nicely."_ As an afterthought, he added, _"That was a hint, by the way."_

Ludwig finally spoke, and just snipped, "I got that, thanks."

Francis snorted, but not in humor.

Ludwig didn't actually consent to this idea, but he didn't refuse either, and so Lukas seemed to take that as an all-clear, and was quick to chirp out, _"Can't wait! See you in the morning, then. We'll have a good time, I promise. I'll take you to a show if you want. Get some sleep, though! Don't want ya in a bad mood."_

Ha.

Lukas was right about that; he sure wouldn't want Ludwig in a bad mood, not with all of the crap that he pulled. A dangerous situation, perhaps, and Ludwig couldn't be held responsible for his actions if Lukas got on his nerves too much.

...ah, he was all talk. Always was.

So, he just grunted, "Yeah, sure," and left it at that.

Lukas said, happily, _"Alright, then! Don't forget, please. Ten!"_

And with that, he was gone, as he so often was, and Ludwig was left alone with a brooding Francis.

He felt jittery. Nervous. Dare he say excited. Beyond it all, maybe he was happy that Lukas had come back, and that he had apparently come back just for him. Couldn't seem to stay angry at that man, no matter how hard he tried. A curse of his, come to think. Couldn't ever stay angry at anyone, no matter what.

Francis finally looked over at him, face serious and almost tired, and he said, lowly, "I don't like this. I really don't. I wish you wouldn't go."

Ludwig opened his mouth, thought better of it, and then averted his eyes. He shouldn't go, he knew it, not with the way Lukas was, not with the way he came and went, not with the way he was obviously crazy, and so Ludwig wasn't sure why he felt so drawn.

He knew he shouldn't go, and he knew that he still would.

Francis was moody the rest of the night.

Ludwig was, too, but in nervousness rather than irritation. Already dreading tomorrow.

When he went home that night, he sat at his tiny kitchen table for a while, staring into nothing, and then he found himself rummaging through his closet and trying to find clothes that would be appropriate. It had been so long. He didn't really even know how to date anymore. Eventually, after standing in front of the mirror for what felt like hours, he finally just threw a nice shirt and a pair of slacks on a chair and called it a day. Didn't have anything nicer than that, but at least he had nice shoes. Why he shined them, though, he couldn't say.

His stomach was churning by the time he went to bed.

The clock kept ticking. Couldn't sleep. As always, Ludwig just tossed and turned and fretted about everything that could have possibly gone wrong.

In the morning, the weather was clear and bright.

Ludwig felt like it was cloudy.

Anxiety.

The circles under his eyes were quite obvious.

It almost took more courage to get dressed that morning than it had to pack his bags and creep out of Feliciano's house. Took a considerable amount of bravery to comb his hair, to shave, to put on cologne, to straighten every wrinkle out of his clothes, to gloss himself into as much perfection as he could muster, until he looked mostly pristine despite the exhaustion.

Nervousness.

When he pulled on his socks, he was pretty sure that he was about to just drop dead. Still made it to the door alive, despite it all, and he found himself putting his shoes on and creeping out of his apartment as if he had actually done something wrong.

Felt ridiculous somehow. Felt like everyone was staring at him when he walked down the street and towards the pier. His own feelings of insecurity, no doubt, but damn if he didn't feel a little stupid by the time he found Lukas' boat.

From there, it seemed like his stress only amplified. The boat was empty. No Lukas above.

A pang of anxiety.

What if Lukas wouldn't come out? What if Lukas wanted him to come aboard? What if—

"Good morning!"

He jumped a bit in fright, and whirled around.

Lukas.

This time, when he turned around and saw Lukas very much invading his personal space, he stood still instead of backtracking. Might have been the fact that he froze up like a deer in headlights more than affection in that instant. Always a bit overwhelmed by the sight of Lukas.

Couldn't move, at least not until Lukas smiled in that wonderfully crooked way and then put out his hand, and said, simply, "Nice to meet you. I'm Lukas."

Um. Huh. Well. Okay.

Ludwig accepted because, really, it was the first time they had appropriately greeted each other.

Felt dumb, though, uttering, "I'm Ludwig."

Weirdo.

Lukas' hand clung to his own long after the handshake should have ended by normal people's standards, but Ludwig just stood there, patiently, and waited for Lukas to finish whatever the hell he was doing.

Ludwig looked him up and down, quickly, and saw that Lukas' version of dressing nicely looked exactly the same as Lukas' version of everyday wear. If fact, the only thing that even looked different about him was that he had shaved and combed his hair, parting it nearly on the side, and had somehow managed to successfully pull off a tie on a non-formal button-down shirt.

Everything about Lukas was weird. Huh.

Ludwig, feeling far too formal even in what he had thought was just nice casual attire, could only shift his weight and avert his eyes to the ground, and suddenly his shined shoes seemed stupid.

Felt so damn awkward. It had been seven damn years since he'd been on anything that was even close to a 'date'. Felt strange. Self-conscious and agitated, he kept his eyes well on the ground until Lukas was suddenly leaning down, ducking his head and looking up until he forced Ludwig's gaze.

"Say, you look tired. Thought I told ya to sleep, eh?" A sly, almost smug smile. "Couldn't stop thinking about me, could ya? I knew it."

Ludwig might have glanced up at the sky, in the hope that he would see a lightning bolt coming down to strike him dead where he stood. Didn't happen, and Lukas was suddenly straightening his tie.

"Well! Where do you wanna go?"

Eh.

He had hoped that Lukas would take a little more initiative in things, because Ludwig didn't know what the hell do to. This wasn't anything he had ever been good at. Dating had never been his scene.

Finally, he managed to shrug a shoulder, and say, weakly, "I don't know. It doesn't matter, I guess."

Lukas smiled, and straightened back up. Ludwig realized that maybe he had been a little...

"Is that so? Well! Guess we can always go have a nice candlelight dinner on my boat, huh? It cleans up real well."

...reckless.

Shouldn't'a let Lukas decide after all.

Ludwig felt his eyes narrow a bit, but managed to stifle his grimace.

Or maybe not, because Lukas suddenly added, breezily, "Or we can just go to the beach."

Whew.

Leaping on that salvation, Ludwig said, "That sounds fine."

But not really, because walking on the beach was nice and all, but it wasn't exactly what he had dressed for. His shoes would be ruined, and so would his socks, and then his pants, and oh god, it was gonna take him forever to get rid of all the sand and salt, and _ugh_.

Not the date he had had in mind. And, hell, maybe Lukas knew that, too.

One more shift.

"Or maybe just a nice restaurant."

A sigh of relief, and Ludwig felt a little twinge of relaxation, but only a twinge.

Lukas saw it, and seemed pleased at himself for putting Ludwig at ease. "Alright! Nice restaurant it is. But we can do that tonight. We have the whole day together. What would you like to do first, Ludwig?"

Knowing now that leaving decisions up to Lukas wasn't exactly the safest prospect, Ludwig finally spoke up and said, hopefully, "Maybe we can just go for a coffee?"

Lukas just smiled, and then nodded his head.

Thank god.

A step forward, and Lukas reached out, put his hand on the back of Ludwig's arm, and started walking along. Ludwig walked with him, because if he didn't then Lukas might have taken the opportunity to put his hand somewhere else.

Terror, under the surface. What if he fucked up? Wanted to impress Lukas, so badly, but maybe so badly that he was hindering himself and making himself needlessly fretful. He wasn't gonna be any fun for Lukas if he couldn't stop his anxiety.

Maybe Lukas could feel how tense his arm was, because he leaned over, and rumbled, "Am I scarin' ya or something? Not embarrassed to be seen with me, are you? I thought I dressed alright."

Immediately, Ludwig said, perhaps too loudly, "N-no! No! I'm not... No, I'm not embarrassed. I mean! I am, I guess, but, you know. Not because of you, or anything, I just... I don't know. I mean..."

He trailed off, dumbly, and realized that he hadn't made any damn sense at all.

Lukas just smiled at him, and then gave a scoff.

"You're cute."

Inside, Ludwig died a little.

...felt good to hear words like that, though.

So, when they reached a cafe, Ludwig sat outside in the cool air with Lukas, perched his hands in his lap, and tried to be normal. Tried. Didn't work. Lukas did all of the talking.

So, when they left the cafe and went for a walk along the boulevard, Ludwig kept his hands out of his pockets, and tried to be casual. Tried. Didn't work. Lukas was the one to window-shop and walk normally.

So, when they left the boulevard in the late afternoon and started heading towards Lukas' pick of 'nice restaurants', Ludwig took deep breaths and held his head up, and tried not to choke. Tried.

... _tried_.

But then Lukas got to the door first, and opened it, and because they were side by side and both men, Ludwig didn't know who the hell should walk through first, and he choked. An awkward second of shifting and shuffling, as Ludwig tried to figure out if Lukas was holding it open for him or was walking in first, standing there like a moron. Awkward for him, at least, because Lukas was still smiling when he finally reached out and grabbed Ludwig's shoulder to push him through, perhaps to spare him more fumbling than an actual gentlemanly gesture.

When they were inside, Lukas leaned in and whispered, rather coyly, "If I didn't know better I'd say you've never been on a date before."

A swallow, an inhale, a weak smile, and Ludwig finally uttered back, "It's been a while."

Just a quick raise of Lukas' eyebrows, and a soft, "That's a mystery to me."

Embarrassment. How did compliments humiliate him more than anything else?

The scenery wasn't helping. When Lukas had said a 'nice' restaurant, Ludwig hadn't quite been expecting... _this_. It was a nice restaurant, sure, if by 'nice' one actually meant to say 'really fucking expensive'. Something Feliciano would have chosen, come to think. Chandeliers. Candles. Flowers. Marble floor. Pretty rugs.

White gloves.

Figured.

He had always hated places like this, but was more than a little desperate to impress Lukas, so he bit his tongue and hoped to god that his wallet had enough money in it. Oh, _please_ let him have enough money. The humiliation would have been absolutely and utterly complete if he weren't even able to afford anything on the menu, and Lukas probably would have been embarrassed, too.

No second date after _that_.

What the hell kind of fishing did Lukas do to have the funds for this place?

Guess he had zoned out a little, because suddenly a waiter was leading them to a table. Sitting down. His hands were clammy, he was sure of it. So nervous.

Menus were placed in front of them, and Lukas took his quite eagerly. Ludwig grabbed his, but couldn't really seem to read it much. Lukas was still talking, hadn't really stopped, but Ludwig was fazing most of it into white noise as he desperately searched for the cheapest thing on the menu without being too obvious about it.

"What can I get you gentlemen?"

He jumped a little at the sound of the waiter's voice, and froze up, as usual.

The only dating experience he had was with Feliciano, who was so at home in expensive restaurants that he had always taken charge and ordered everything while Ludwig had sat there in utter silence. That was what he was used to. Didn't know what else to do, so when the waiter asked him, he found himself casting a glance at Lukas. Not used to this, he really wasn't. Felt so helpless.

Thankfully, mercifully, Lukas took the hint, and took charge.

...kind of.

Actually, Lukas' idea of ordering was to go over every single thing on the menu and ask the waiter his opinion.

Ludwig coulda just leapt out of the window for the awkwardness. Why _him_? Lukas was too damn weird to pull off even such a simple task as ordering food. Thank god that the waiter apparently had a sense of humor, smirking away the whole while Lukas blabbered, and Ludwig tried very hard to hide his face and sink into the ground.

It was only Ludwig's face suddenly burying itself in his palm that finally got Lukas to cut to the chase and finish up.

"—and a bottle of wine, too. Please. Thank you."

"What kind of wine?"

Goddammit, don't ask _that_ , don't give that psycho another chance to talk, please, no more _questions_ —

Lukas must have seen Ludwig squirming in embarrassment, because he thankfully just said, "I trust you to pick me something great."

A high brow from the waiter, and when he nodded his head and walked off, Ludwig could probably guess that the waiter fully intended to give Lukas the most expensive bottle in the entire restaurant as comeuppance for listening to him prattle.

And regardless of how much it was going to hurt his wallet, Ludwig was damn glad to see that bottle when it came, and had absolutely no problem grabbing his glass and drinking it so fast that Lukas actually gave a laugh.

"You know, you're actually supposed to taste that when you drink it."

Ludwig just lifted his chin, gave a 'hm', and waited a bit impatiently for Lukas to refill his glass so that he could drink more without feeling bad about it. Lukas took the hint again, crooked smile quite amused.

Norwegian bastard. Seemed to be made of money, all of them, so in the end Ludwig didn't feel as awful about drinking most of the bottle. All of the bottle, actually, because Lukas still had his first glass, and soon after he was flagging the waiter down for another. Meh. Too bad. Ludwig was hardly embarrassed anymore.

Anyway, Lukas seemed a little less intimidating after Ludwig had had a few glasses of wine. Come to think, the wine seemed to make everything better. Made him less self-conscious, made Lukas less creepy, made the restaurant more homey, made his hands stop shaking. Didn't make him stop blushing, though, and actually intensified it quite a bit.

Oh, well. When Lukas was around, he never stopped blushing anyway so it was hardly a difference.

And the wine made him more open, too, because when Lukas started chatting to him again, Ludwig actually found himself engaging in conversation.

Wasn't sure if that was a mistake or not, because once he had started speaking, Lukas' dreamy eyes seemed to get sharper and more alert, and so did his stance, and before long he was leaning forward every time Ludwig spoke, as if in some way he was quite astounded that he was actually having a conversation. As if he had had to come down to earth to make sure this was really happening.

The feeling was mutual.

Actually, come to think, Ludwig found that he very much liked it when Lukas leaned over the table. A lot.

Liked it when Lukas said, in a croon, "I could listen to your accent all day, you know. You're gonna haveta speak more from now on. Not optional."

Ludwig thought he might have smiled.

After that, it seemed like the night ended far too soon, too soon, and suddenly the check was before them and it was time to move along. Beyond anything, Ludwig might have been grateful that Lukas had apparently intended all along to split the bill, because that made him feel less awkward, but probably only because he actually had enough money.

Feliciano had always insisted on paying for everything.

Feliciano.

Lukas shot him a wide, beautiful smile then, out of nowhere, glossy hair lit up in the lights and eyed crinkled, still looking alert and all there, and Ludwig suddenly wondered why he was constantly comparing this date to the ones he had had with Feliciano. Feliciano was gone, and Lukas was nothing like him. Time to stop. Time to let it go. Time to move on.

Time to carry on in the world.

Lukas was Lukas, and a date with him was where he was. Didn't need to compare it to anything else. Didn't need anything else.

Just that look on Lukas' face.

Someone had taken _him_ on a date, someone that wasn't Feliciano, and there was something amazing in that. For the first time, Ludwig might have felt a little proud of himself. A little worth. Someone had taken an interest in him, boring him, and that was even more amazing.

"So," Lukas suddenly said, as he leaned over the table like a kid yet again, "This isn't a one-time thing, is it? Dates, that is. I mean, I like lookin' at ya from the boat and all, but I sure do like being with ya more."

Funny. Felt like Lukas had said that once already, but a little differently. Talking hadn't been enough, and Lukas had wanted to see. Now seeing wasn't enough, and Lukas wanted to touch.

And, for once, Ludwig understood something that Lukas said.

Talking and staring at each other from opposite sides got old, be from the static of space or the water between the dock and the boat.

So he gathered his nerve, pushed aside his anxiety and self-consciousness, feeling that new drive and desire to get back into life, and said, "I think we can work something out."

Lukas was here for a reason; Ludwig needed to remind himself that Lukas was the one who was asking. Had to be because he wanted to.

Lukas smiled at his words, and, for once, so did Ludwig. Sometime after that, right before they were about to stand up and leave, Lukas reached across the table and brushed his hand atop Ludwig's, for just a second.

Happiness.

Sometimes, a radio just didn't cut it.

Lukas made him feel worthwhile.


	5. Memory of the Waters

**Chapter 5**

**Memory of the Waters**

June.

For the first time since he had left home, Ludwig got a visitor.

Had started rather randomly. Just a few days into June, two weeks after he had had his very first date with Lukas. The phone rang a little before noon on his day off, and Ludwig had a date planned with Lukas at two. Just the fourth one. An awful moment of anxiety, as Ludwig pulled his phone out, thinking Lukas was cancelling on him for the first time.

Not quite.

A familiar name there.

The voice over the phone was one he had never expected, but adored.

_"Lutz! Guess where I'm at? I thought you were working today. I was gonna surprise ya. I'll be waiting for you there."_

Oh, Gilbert. He would just show up without a warning.

Ludwig's heart had been hammering with absolute exhilaration, as he dressed quickly and sloppily and bolted downstairs and ran all the way to his place of employment. Didn't even bother combing his hair, because Gilbert was Ludwig's favorite person and there was no detail worth wasting one minute of time with him over.

If Lukas was already there at the pier, Ludwig didn't know.

The sun was high, the sky was clear and blue, the waves were calm, the ocean was deep sapphire, the wind was gentle. A beautiful, perfect day, and yet somehow the most appealing thing in Ludwig's sight was Gilbert leaning there against the wall of the building in which he worked.

Arms crossed and legs splayed, smirking away and hair whipping in the wind, Gilbert looked every bit as smug and confident as he ever had, and wasted no time in kicking off the wall and snagging Ludwig around the neck when he was within arms reach. For a moment, Gilbert had nearly lifted Ludwig straight off the ground in his exuberance.

Ludwig just clenched Gilbert in turn and reveled in that sense of elation.

"It's been too long," Gilbert said, as he pulled back and let Ludwig breathe, "So I just thought I'd swing by and see how you were doing. The way you just up and left, you know. It surprised everyone."

An awful twinge of awkwardness and anxiety. Ludwig tried his best to wave Gilbert off, and reached out to shove gently at his shoulder as he threw back, amicably, "Everyone needs some time away from _you_ once in a while."

The wonderful sound of Gilbert's rough laugh.

They walked towards the bay as they prattled, and Gilbert kept on glancing over at him, so curiously. Didn't take too long before Gilbert finally cracked, abandoned the small talk, and asked the major and obvious question.

"So. Why did you leave, huh? You just got tired of him?"

Ludwig kept his eyes straight ahead, and just grumbled, "Something like that."

"You couldn't have just, you know...talked to him about it?"

No response.

Oh, Gilbert, didn't he understand that Ludwig had never been good at those kinds of things? Gilbert should have understood him more than anyone else, having raised him.

An awful silence as they came to a halt by the seawall, the waves lapping below them.

Gilbert usually did understand, and finally got it through his thick head that Ludwig didn't want to talk about Feliciano, and mercifully changed the subject with a flourish.

"So!" he cried, as he threw arms around Ludwig's neck and jostled him back in forth as if they were suddenly dancing, "Did you miss me? I was starting to feel abandoned! I lost my drinking partner. I hate having you so far away from me. I have to actually drive to see you now instead of just taking the bus. Pain in the ass. Couldn't have chosen somewhere closer?"

Ludwig met Gilbert's eyes, and said, sincerely, "I'm sorry. I just wanted to get away."

Gilbert's face softened a bit, his chin lifted and his eyes lidded, and his voice was softer too when he said, in a murmur, "Don't worry about it. It happens. I've always got your back."

Knew it, and for that Ludwig would have done anything for him.

Ludwig quickly lost track of time, as was easy when Gilbert was around, and Ludwig happened to glance up to see a familiar face. Gilbert's arm was still around his shoulders when Lukas showed up, and Ludwig watched from around Gilbert's head as Lukas fell still, tucked his hands in his pockets, tilted his head, and looked a little...

Well.

Not mad. Not jealous, either. It was so difficult to determine what Lukas was feeling at any given moment, because his eyes were always so distant and his face always so blank. Gave so little away, was so stoic, and so it was hard for Ludwig to look at him then and say for certain that Lukas felt anything at all. Ludwig might have been a little disappointed somehow. Had kinda hoped Lukas might have actually cared enough to be annoyed or jealous at seeing Ludwig in some random man's arms.

Gilbert was oblivious. A rough tussle of his hair, a kiss on his forehead, and then Gilbert swung his fist down and clapped hold of Ludwig's hand, saying, loudly, "Come on, let's go get a drink. I sure do miss you! I wish you'd come back home. I hate not being able to get on your nerves all the time. Let's go have fun."

Ludwig broke away from Gilbert's adoring gaze long enough to take another glance over at Lukas, and that time there actually was a glimmer of discernible emotion upon Lukas' face.

Anger.

Lukas' eyes had narrowed a bit, and Ludwig just smiled all the more at Gilbert when he realized that Lukas was suddenly glaring. His cheeks had reddened, his hands had come out of his pockets and were clenched, his lips had parted in disbelief, a deep crease in his brow, and Ludwig couldn't stop staring at him because Lukas suddenly looked actually furious.

Fascinating.

Hadn't seen anything else from that strange son of a bitch except alarming suaveness and creepy composure.

And, then, suddenly, when Gilbert took Ludwig's other hand and started swinging their arms back and forth like they were little kids again, Lukas lifted his chin, rolled back his shoulders, and had started stomping over.

Ludwig couldn't wipe that stupid smile off of his face as Lukas marched on his warpath. So, there _was_ something close to a normal human being under that layer of weirdness after all. Real emotions and reactions. Good. He had started worrying about it. Thinking maybe Lukas really was a sociopath or something. Nice to see him acting out of emotion.

But Gilbert, playful and childish as he could be, was never one to pass up a fight, and never one to back down. Liked seeing Lukas snap out of that never-ending tranquility, but didn't really want him to get punched in the face, either. Gilbert deserved a good punch, though, but Lukas' sore knuckles later might have ruined the date. Best to avoid them pummeling each other, if only to make Ludwig's life easier.

So, when Lukas was close enough to hear him over the sea, Ludwig acknowledged him with a lift of his head. Gilbert glanced back, just as Ludwig said, "Lukas, have you met my brother?"

The word 'brother' hadn't even finished coming out of his mouth when Lukas turned back into a cool, smarmy creep at the swing of a breeze, before he had even finished walking over. Just a mid-step shift back into complete suaveness. His hands fell back into his pockets, his eyes lidded and his brow lifted, his shoulders lowered, and it was as if he had never been angry at all.

Gilbert hadn't even noticed that Lukas had been extremely intent on kicking him down into the bay.

"Nice to meet you," came Lukas' smooth greeting, and when Gilbert turned around and stuck out his hand, Lukas just shook it without another word, looking perfectly pleasant.

Ludwig scrutinized Lukas intently, but got nothing else from him, nothing at all. Oh, well. Nice while it had lasted, that glimmer of emotion. For his part, Lukas was scrutinizing Gilbert as intently, but that was normal, because everyone scrutinized Gilbert, as more often than not he was the first albino most people had ever gotten to meet.

Swore he heard Lukas murmur, under his breath, "Cool."

Gilbert looked at Lukas with a high brow, looked back at Ludwig, back at Lukas and then back at Ludwig, and Ludwig could see the spread of a leer over Gilbert's face as his mind starting wandering.

Woulda rolled his eyes, if he hadn't been more interested in watching Lukas. The way he just stood there, eyeballing the both of them in that unnerving way he had. Ludwig wondered if Lukas might even have been pleased in some way, getting to meet some of Ludwig's family, because that seemed like something that would have boosted Lukas' already over-inflated ego.

Then Gilbert's leer broke out into a full smirk, a sneer, and Ludwig realized he was in over his head. Gilbert's smug looks, come to think, were as annoying as Lukas'. He would find himself with those two.

And Gilbert's voice was as smug as his face when he said, in his comprehensible but choppy Danish, "Lukas, huh? I'm Gilbert. So. It's nice to see my little brother making _friends_."

The word 'friends' was dripping with knowing, but Lukas was as unfazed as always, and maybe seemed just as intent on making Ludwig's life miserable.

"Oh, yeah," Lukas said, quite seriously, "I just can't keep him away from me."

Gilbert just smirked away.

"I bet!"

Ugh. _Those_ two.

And then Gilbert upped the misery ante, and reached out to sling an arm around Ludwig's shoulder as he said, "Hey! Why don't we all go out, eh?" A look at Ludwig, as a nose pressed into his cheek. "I haven't seen you in forever." A look at Lukas, who stood there patiently. "I haven't met _you_. So! Let's go out and drink, huh? I want to spend some time with you."

And by 'you', Gilbert meant Lukas, too, because Gilbert loved seeing Ludwig squirm.

Lukas quickly said, "Sure. Sounds great."

Ludwig's fate was sealed.

As it turned out, Gilbert and Lukas were just as obnoxious and condescending together as Ludwig had always imagined they would be. They certainly managed to feed off of each other and lift the other into new, uncharted heights of absolute sadism, together becoming a snarky abomination. Good lord! A perfect storm.

They sat in a line at the bar over beers, Ludwig squished helplessly in between them, and there was no escape.

Gilbert leaned over Ludwig to look at Lukas, and asked, "So! Did I interrupt date night?"

Ludwig stared straight ahead at the beer taps, and knew his face was red.

Lukas, voice ever deep and rumbling and so very suave, replied, "No interruption at all. Merely a delay. Like I said, I just can't keep him away from me. As soon as you leave, I imagine date night will resume without a hitch."

Gilbert's godawful leer.

"Good to hear. I've always tried so hard to get my little brother married off. You could be _the one_."

Ludwig raised his hand and waved down another beer, as he plowed through the rest of his first.

Lukas seemed positively tickled by that statement.

"I am trying, very hard. He doesn't make it easy. He's actually a bit of a _tease_ , if I may say. Always getting my hopes up and then sauntering away."

Oh, god—

A heavy clap on his back.

"That's right! I taught him well! After all, I said I wanna marry him off. He knows better than to just let any creep into his pants. Glad to see you're not giving up on him. Good husband material right there."

Oh, _where_ was that beer? Was about to keel over.

It was mercifully before him, and Ludwig started chugging.

Lukas watched him, brow very high and smiling as crookedly as always, and leaned over to say to Gilbert, "I do try. I won't stop until I get him. _He's_ perfect housewife material, I can tell. Would you consider being the best man?"

"My honor. Say, he's a great cook, you know. Very tidy, as well. You're making a great life choice here, my friend."

"I assumed as much."

Oh, needed Francis all of a sudden to come and save him from these jerks, please—no, wait, not Francis, he'd just sit down and join in and make it so much worse.

Why didn't he have more friends?

When Ludwig finished the long one-shot chug of his second beer without throwing up, he waved down another, and Gilbert started laughing and couldn't stop. Lukas' hand on the back of his arm, running up and down.

Trapped between the worst two men on the planet. The two who could embarrass and humiliate him more than any others. Had to be these two, just had to be.

He grabbed his third beer.

Lukas murmured, in that beautiful rumble, "Slow down, baby, or you ain't gonna make it to see the ceremony."

"That's the idea," Ludwig finally managed to choke out, between long drinks.

Gilbert just snorted.

With that, they mercifully decided to change the conversation and make small talk, but probably only because they wanted to avoid giving Ludwig alcohol poisoning before the end of the night.

Ludwig zoned out quickly enough as the beer hit him hard, and he rested his chin on his palm as he listened to the pleasant droning of the voices around him and the noise of the bar. The hours passed, the bar filled up, day turned to night, and Ludwig had gone through a few more beers as Gilbert hammered back his own bunch with skill. Lukas had nursed one single beer the entire day, until night came. Once the sun set, however, bleary Ludwig glanced over to see Lukas putting back glass after glass of scotch.

Maybe Lukas had wanted to remain sober and alert while Gilbert was around, for whatever reason, but now that the day was coming to an end Lukas seemed to be letting loose. Sure could drink, surprisingly. The scotch seemed to do less damage on Lukas than the beer had on Ludwig and Gilbert, and it was Lukas who was walking steadily when they finally began their exit, as Gilbert and Ludwig clung to each others' necks and staggered through the crowd. Lukas helpfully held open the door as Gilbert giggled away and as Ludwig nearly fell flat on his face, and Ludwig was certain, through his daze, that he heard Lukas snort.

The night was cool, windy. A full moon on high. The glow of the town rippled on the waves.

Gilbert tried to hold Ludwig up as he almost fell over himself, and Ludwig had enough sense to say, "Stay at my place tonight."

"'Kay," Gilbert cooperatively agreed, and Ludwig looked at Lukas, hanging back and arms crossed, and weighed his options.

It had been date night, after all...

Ludwig caught Lukas' gaze and Lukas offered, "I'll walk you home."

Even through his tipsiness, Ludwig realized that Lukas was keen on figuring out where Ludwig lived, but Ludwig was fine with that, and so nodded his head.

They staggered along, chatting and laughing, and Lukas stayed silently at Ludwig's side and focused on his surroundings, memorizing streets and turns and doors.

When they reached Ludwig's apartment and squeezed into the elevator, Gilbert leaned in, pressed his lips into Ludwig's ear, and whispered, "I'll go to bed and leave you two alone."

Ludwig snorted, and when they tumbled down the hallway, Ludwig barely managed to dig his key out of his pocket and turn the lock. Lukas hung back, and Ludwig glanced over to see him lifting his chin and leaning around a bit, clearly waiting for an invitation to come inside.

What to do, what to do.

Wanted to be alone with Lukas, but knowing Gilbert was asleep in the bedroom would have been a little strange somehow.

Ludwig hung in the doorframe as Gilbert stepped in, and Ludwig finally made up his mind, and said, to Gilbert, "You mind if I go back out?"

Gilbert lifted his brow, leered, and shooed him quickly off.

But not before one final tease.

Gilbert leaned in, pushing their cheeks together, and his lips were right on Ludwig's ear yet again when he whispered, "Lutz, I like your new fiancé a whole lot. Good job."

Didn't even need to whisper, because Lukas didn't speak German, but Gilbert didn't need to know that he supposed. Anyway, Lukas could have just been pulling his leg about that, anyway, and maybe he really did speak German, if only a little.

A clap on his arm and a wink, and Gilbert tried to pull away but didn't get out of range quickly enough, because Ludwig still managed to punch a fist into his side harshly. A loud 'oomph', and Gilbert quickly darted in and shut the door.

Ludwig turned to Lukas, who seemed quite pleased, and asked, "Can we go to the harbor?"

Lukas was the one smirking then, no doubt thinking this would be the night he finally got Ludwig up on his boat.

...could be.

Lukas led the way back to the elevator, and when they were outside the apartment complex, back out in the cool air, Lukas shifted again.

A snatch of his arm. A forceful yank backwards.

And when he was pulled around, Lukas had suddenly dragged him into the shadows in the alley beside the building, and before Ludwig's tipsy brain could catch up Lukas had already shoved him quite roughly against the wall and kissed him.

Forcefully.

Ludwig was stuck still in mild shock, because it was certainly far more aggressive than Lukas had ever been, but shock faded quickly enough and Ludwig found his hands suddenly gripping the back of Lukas' neck as Lukas tried very hard to make Ludwig a part of the wall.

Well.

For once, Gilbert had done something useful, if only by showing up, because clearly Lukas had been a bit threatened, had gotten jealous, had certainly been far beyond emboldened, and was relieving some of those sentiments. Ludwig, for his part, certainly wasn't complaining.

When Lukas finally managed to dislodge his tongue from Ludwig's throat a while later, he looked quite a bit calmer, and his voice was serene again when he whispered, "My apologies. Couldn't help it. I should have asked permission first, I suppose. Full moon, you know."

"I'm sure," Ludwig just replied, a bit more sultrily than he would have liked, but the beer had done a good job of making Lukas less offensive. Lukas didn't miss the tone, and was still very much pressing Ludwig against the wall and holding him in place, palms on either side of him.

Absolutely had to be the full moon, had to be, no other excuse, because Ludwig couldn't really think of another good reason why he pressed forward and was the one to kiss Lukas.

Definitely the moon.

A long, wonderful moment of being pressed together in the dark, the sound of the sea and cars in the distance, warmth and comfort. That indescribable sensation of being in someone's arms. It was a good minute before Lukas pulled back again, smirking away, and he popped up onto his toes to kiss Ludwig's forehead before stepping away.

He inclined his head to the street, and they began the walk to the harbor, shoving gently into each other as they went, jostling and teasing. For a second there, Ludwig felt like he was seventeen again, meeting Feliciano for the very first time. Nothing like that elated, dumb daze of being with someone new. Feeling like a kid again.

The reached the pier where Lukas' boat was tethered, Lukas kicked off his shoes and socks and rolled up his pants, and when he sat down and plunged his feet into the water, Ludwig followed suit. Why not? He could be childish, too, with the right person.

They chattered for a while, as Ludwig steadily began to come down from intoxication.

Lukas' feet sloshed around the water, and he suddenly looked at Ludwig out of nowhere, and tossed out, "I'm kinda weird, you know. Hope ya don't mind."

Ludwig turned to look at Lukas, lifted his brow up high, and said, in a false voice of surprise, "Weird? Why are ya tellin' me now? A warning beforehand would have been nice. I was thinkin' you were completely sane all this time. Nothin' weird about you at all."

Lukas' lips turned up into a crooked leer, and he said, quite seriously, "Really? No one's ever told me that."

Ludwig could only grimace and shake his head.

Lukas didn't understand sarcasm, it seemed. Why didn't that surprise him much?

A long, rather comfortable silence, as Ludwig's tipsiness steadily began to dull down ever more, and then Lukas was suddenly staring at him, very intensely. So intensely, in fact, that Ludwig had to turned his eyes away and ask, lowly, "What?"

"Nothin'," Lukas murmured. "Just trying to envision you being my housewife."

Ludwig shot Lukas a quick glare, sighed, and then griped, "Don't get ahead of yourself. There are a couple of steps before we elope."

"Name 'em," Lukas was very quick to toss out. "I'll start right now."

Ludwig was certain that Lukas actually was going to break his face, as often and hard as he was blushing these days.

Took Ludwig a long time to mutter, weakly, "Well. Typically, you would be a boyfriend before a fiancé, don't you think?"

Even Feliciano hadn't ever talked about that, at least not seriously. Maybe a few jokes here and there, but Feliciano had certainly never gotten down on one knee, and Ludwig would forever be grateful for that.

A hand on his back.

"Well. I was a little afraid to ask. Thought you'd turn me down, but if you'd take me as your boyfriend, I sure as hell would love that."

Ludwig snapped his head over, in shock.

Couldn't believe it, somehow, even thought Lukas had been chasing him endlessly and had been persistent on being allowed to take him on dates. Just hadn't ever thought it would ever really go that far, despite it all. So hard to think that someone like Lukas was seriously considering a long-term relationship with someone like him.

At his silence and wide-eyed look, Lukas lifted a brow, lidded his eyes, and tried, carefully, "Too soon? You can say 'no'. It's alright. I just like you so much. Never hurts to give it a go."

Without really thinking about it, Ludwig heard himself say, too quickly, "No. No, I... I'd like that. I think."

Lukas' pretty smile.

An arm over his shoulders, and a cheek pressing into his own.

"Thank you. I'm glad you gave me a chance. I won't blow it. Promise."

Ludwig stared out at the water, and felt himself relaxing under Lukas' arm, and before long he was resting his head on Lukas' shoulder.

How strange!

Didn't even know how this had come about, but it felt pretty beautiful then, and when Lukas walked him back home, he pressed forward and kissed Ludwig's cheek before ambling off. Ludwig stared at his back until he was gone, and stood there in the hall for longer than that.

Exhilaration.

For the second time in his life, suddenly, Ludwig was in a relationship.

And for the second time in his life, maybe Ludwig jumped in far too quickly.


	6. Love Psalm

**Chapter 6**

**Love Psalm**

July.

The first bump in the road, but not in Ludwig's new relationship. Rather, it came about in his job. More specifically, his fraternizing with Lukas on the airwaves from time to time, even though he had already been given a warning. Ludwig had honestly stopped realizing that he was even doing it. It was just habit, to hear Lukas crooning to him over the static and to respond.

Didn't think much of it, because he was love-sick and therefore stupid.

It didn't seem like such a big deal to him; Lukas would just swing by, maybe when being alone on his boat got too boring, and he would chat Ludwig up as Ludwig paid him half-attention. If Ludwig ever needed to speak to another ship, he always did so without hesitation, cutting Lukas off without a word and changing frequencies. Usually, when he went back to Lukas, Lukas was still prattling on, unaware that Ludwig had ever left to begin with. It wasn't as if Ludwig was abandoning his duties in any sense for Lukas.

But a distraction was a distraction in the professional world, and Lukas was his.

It may not have seemed like a big deal to Ludwig, but it was clearly a big deal to his boss, and it was in the second week of July that it happened.

Ludwig had been teasing Francis, who was complaining endlessly about the heat that day, offering to chop his hair off to help cool him down. Francis had looked quite appalled, grabbing his tied hair rather protectively just in case Ludwig came at him with scissors.

Hadn't had time to laugh at Francis' face before the office door opened and the supervisor stuck his head out.

"Ludwig."

As before, that awful jolt of panic, adrenaline. Face red, jittery and nervous, Ludwig stood immediately and made his way to the office, Francis' eyes following him worriedly.

Oh, no.

He sat down before the desk, hands clenched in his lap, and fretted.

This time, he had good reason to fret.

"Ludwig, we talked about something a few months ago. I see that it hasn't changed. I did ask you to resist engagement, didn't I?"

Ludwig, eyes on his lap and heart pounding, nodded his head.

Yeah...had just kinda forgotten, because Lukas was really all Ludwig could think about when he was nearby. Hard to focus on consequences when Lukas was so enthralling in the moment.

A long, heavy silence.

"I gave you a long time, to see if this would just lose your interest. It seems that that's not the case. I hate doing it, but I have to think of the safety of everyone we deal with and our own professionalism. So. Ludwig, there are two choices : I can reassign you to another city, or you can resign. Whichever is easiest for you. Go home now. Take the rest of the day off. Think it over. You can call me tomorrow or come in, whichever, and tell me what you decide. I hate that it came to this, I really do. You're a good worker. I regret it. Go home."

Pulse pounding and feeling so sick, Ludwig just nodded his bowed head, eyes glued to his lap, and was well beyond mortified. Was dizzy when he stood up and left the office. Couldn't even look at Francis, who called his name quietly as Ludwig gathered his things from the desk and then made for the door.

Didn't know what to do.

Sure did hate seein' that look of distress on Francis' face, though, at the last second. Missing him already. One of the only friends he had ever had in his life. Whatever decision he made, Francis wouldn't be there on the other end, and that hurt.

As he walked dejectedly back to his apartment, it was very easy to feel that little twinge of anger rise up, to direct it at Lukas, to blame his current predicament on that handsome thorn in his side, because, well. It was Lukas' fault, after all. His own a little, sure, but Lukas was the one who carried on and on despite knowing that Ludwig had gotten into trouble once before.

Sure. But Ludwig had carried on and on, too, knowing the same.

Both of them were to blame, he supposed, but it felt better to call it Lukas' fault and end it there.

He reached his apartment, plopped face-first down on his bed, lied there in dismay for a good long while, wallowing in his self-pity. It was an hour or so before he pulled out his phone, angrily texted a long, scathing rant at Lukas, promptly erased it, and instead asked to meet at the pier. Needed to vent. Or, at the very least, wanted to see what Lukas thought. Moving to another city seemed pointless, really, because in theory Lukas would just follow him and get him into trouble there too.

And if Ludwig was going to resign because of Lukas, then Lukas better have a good fall-back plan for Ludwig. Owed him that, at least.

Walking outside shortly after, he headed straight down to the docks, the sea breeze whipping his hair into eyes. A squint against the sun, and when his vision adjusted, Ludwig huffed a bit. A familiar boat was docked, and hanging over the edge, head on folded arms, bright and pristine in the sunlight, was Lukas.

Lukas was always waiting for him, it seemed.

Soon, it would be Ludwig always waiting for Lukas, with no place of employment to go to.

Lukas lifted his chin, flung himself down onto the pier skillfully, and asked, "So! What was so important you interrupted my nap for?" A sly look. "Came over to join me in bed?"

A tint of red on Ludwig's cheeks, but Lukas must have seen the distressed look on his face because that smarmy look faded quickly enough and Lukas instead sat down on the wooden pier, legs crossed and facing the boats. Ludwig threw himself down there beside of him, inhaled deeply, and began his tongue-lashing.

Only, it was a tongue-lashing in his head and came out as more of a whine from his mouth.

Figured.

"You just got me fired. I have to decide tonight whether I'll resign or be reassigned to another city. I like it here. I didn't want to move again. So what do I do? You got me into this mess. What do you think? What should I do?"

Felt helpless and miserable.

But Lukas, always so cool and airy, just smiled away, turned his head to Ludwig, and said, "I think you should resign. I'll just follow you to whatever city you go to."

As expected, but Lukas' playful tone was not, and Ludwig was quick to shoot him a glare, letting him know that now was neither the time nor the circumstance for Lukas to be so tone-deaf.

What a jerk.

Ludwig opened his mouth to start bitching, and was cut off when Lukas added, "If you resign, then you have plenty of time to come spend with me on my boat. I can take you wherever you want."

Sure, easy for Lukas to say, rolling in income as he somehow apparently was, having no care about throwing money left and right. Wasn't so easy for Ludwig, not in any sense, and with no job, the only option would have been to go running back to Gilbert like a little kid.

Or...

Anxious and jittery and wondering, exactly, what Lukas was really trying to say, Ludwig finally muttered, "I can't afford to resign tomorrow with no back-up."

Lukas looked him up and down, and threw out, so casually, "I wasn't going to charge you boat-rent, you know."

A rise of embarrassment, and beneath it was an awful elation that Ludwig tried to push away, because he'd be damned if he was going to become Lukas' little housewife (boat-wife?) anytime soon. Even if the dumb side of him thought that that didn't sound too bad.

No way. Still had his pride.

Just not a job.

A moment of squirming, and then Ludwig asked, "How can you stay on this thing for so long? Doesn't it drive you crazy?"

Oh, wait...

"Well," Lukas said, as he sat there and watched gulls without a care in the world, "I can't say that it's the most comfortable thing in the world, sleepin' in this little thing every night."

Ludwig shook his head, and said, "Why don't you just go home, then? Don't you have one?"

Lukas looked up at him, hair whipping away in the wind, and the smile he sent Ludwig then was very close to being abashed. Highly unusual, and he swore that Lukas actually lifted his shoulder awkwardly.

"Well, yeah. But—that is, I may or may not have neglected to tell you that it was occupied by someone else."

Someone else.

A twinge of agitation in his chest. Burning. An awful, stinging rush of something that certainly felt like jealousy.

" _Occupied_? By _who_?"

He'd be goddamned if he lost his job for this whacko only to have him say at the very last second that he was fuckin' _married_ or something. He'd punch Lukas on the back of the neck and shove his unconscious body into the sea for the damn sharks. And after Lukas had had the gall to glare at Gilbert.

What a bastard.

" _Was_!" Lukas very quickly threw out, seeing the razor edge he was suddenly walking, and for a second there the creep had almost actually seemed embarrassed. "Was occupied! Until very, very recently. Was. I, uh— Well. The entire reason I was ever down here in the first place was because we had a fight and I was coolin' off. But then... What can I say? You sorta swept me off my feet. So, yeah. I have a home that I can get back to, but I'll stay here as long as it takes for you to come back there with me."

Oh—

There was that uncanny charm again, that flattery, and Ludwig knew that Lukas was just crooning then to save his own ass. Knew it. But...well. As always, Ludwig was susceptible, and more so now that he had essentially just lost his job and had become potentially reliant upon Lukas.

It was either Lukas or Gilbert, and going back to Gilbert single after introducing him to Lukas would have been utterly soul-crushing for the humiliation. Couldn't go running back crying into Feliciano's arms. Only left Francis, and Francis, although a wonderful friend, was not Ludwig's father and owed him nothing.

Lukas was his best option, and so Ludwig refrained from kicking him into the ocean.

Wanting a bit of clarity, finality, given his new situation, Ludwig twisted at the side, found the nerve to stare down a man that he considered very impervious to a stare down, and asked, stiffly, "So are you single or not? Yes or no? Stop giving me the runaround."

As expected, steely Lukas didn't flinch or break his gaze, thoroughly unfazed, and it was Ludwig in the end who was shifting and squirming as Lukas' eyes bored into his own.

With no hesitation and no quiver of doubt, Lukas said, with perfect serenity, "I wasn't when I started talking to you. And I wasn't when I took you on that first date. That wasn't the best move on my part, but there it is. I'd say that I'm single now, but I like to think that we're together. But if what you want to know is if there's anyone else waiting for me, then the answer is no. It's just you. You have my word on that."

A long study of Lukas' face, and then Ludwig turned his eyes back to the boats, brow low and lips pursed in contemplation.

In his head, he wanted to ask, 'What does your word really mean to me?' because in the end sometimes Ludwig remembered that he didn't really know this man at all, not a thing about him.

But it wasn't so easy emotionally. Could stand there and be rational and reasonable and know that he was playing with fire, but it was easier to give in to that desire to be loved, the need to be wanted, the way it felt to be with someone, and to cast all logic and reason aside. It felt wonderful to have someone he wanted offer him vows of honor, and well, Lukas had been rather honest in that statement. Hadn't had to confess to being in a relationship as he had dined Ludwig, hadn't been asked for that. Had offered it willingly.

What really swayed Ludwig in the end, though, was that it was ridiculous of him to hold Lukas to some angelic expectations when Ludwig himself was such a bad person. After what he had done to Feliciano, who the hell was he to judge Lukas on wooing someone else after a catastrophic fight with a partner?

He couldn't fault Lukas then, because that would mean he would have to turn that critical eye to himself, and that would have been exceedingly unpleasant, to say the least.

So, in the end, Ludwig stared into the horizon and said, pointedly, "That's that, then."

Silence.

The waves lapped at the pier, and after a long stretch of quiet, Lukas suddenly reached out and snatched Ludwig's hand within his own.

Comfort.

They didn't speak for a long while, merely sitting there together and enjoying each other, and it was only when the sun was getting low in the horizon that Lukas finally broke the impasse.

"Hey."

Ludwig lifted his chin, but didn't glance over.

Lukas looked over at him, and said, "Wanna come spend the night?"

A jolt, and Ludwig did turn his head then.

Dumbly, Ludwig asked, "On your boat?"

"Sure. Or, if you really don't want to, maybe I could swing by your place. I sure would love to get ya on my boat, though. Sounds crazy, maybe, but gettin' you on board will feel like I landed the biggest catch of my life."

Well...not the worst thing his ego had ever heard.

Seeing Ludwig relenting, seeing that he was gaining ground, Lukas' enthusiasm intensified, he brightened and grew more eager, and he suddenly stood up, hauling Ludwig up to his feet, and pressed, in a stronger voice, "Really! Hauling you onto my boat, I'll feel like Thor did when he dragged up Jörmungandr. Seriously. It would be so worth it that I wouldn't even care about starting the Ragnarök. The end of the world would be worth having you here with me for one night."

Damn!

Didn't understand a word the crazy bastard said, but he sure could croon with the best of them, certainly knew how to flatter and charm, and Ludwig had never really stood a chance against a guy like that. As his subconscious had always said : 'Flattery will get you everywhere.'

So Ludwig sighed through his nose, lifted his chin, braced his feet and shoulders for courage, and said, at long last, "Alright. Show me the sea, then."

Lukas clenched his fist and jerked it enthusiastically, stomped his foot, and cried, in almost a snarl, "Yes!"

Ludwig snorted, at Lukas' random flashes of emotion, but of course it was gone as quickly as it had come and Lukas was perfectly stoic again in a blink, standing straight and calm and holding his arm out in invitation.

"This way, sir."

Aw, man. He was done for.

The second Ludwig's foot hit the deck of that boat, it felt rather as if he had taken a step into a spider's web instead, because Lukas was on him in a second, skittering forward and grabbing his hand and dragging him to the cockpit.

"Just tell me where you want to go," Lukas said, as he grabbed the wheel and leered away at Ludwig quite happily.

Wondered what Lukas was hoping he would say. 'To your house,' probably, and if Lukas was waiting for that then he would die of old age out here on this damn boat.

Nervous and fidgety, Ludwig finally just said, "How about just here in front of the city?"

Lukas waved his hand, chided, "Boring!" but set a course all the same, and Ludwig held on to the back of Lukas' chair as the boat took off. Hadn't ever really been on a boat, and the sensation was quite odd.

Lukas must have noticed his shuffling and shifting and looked over at him, face calm, and asked, "Dumb question maybe, but have you ever actually been on a boat?"

He shook his head.

The lurching was a bit unpleasant at first, and his balance felt rather thrown off. Took a while to get used to the sensation.

Lukas just leered away at him, and said, "You're not gonna get seasick on me, are ya?"

Ludwig glared at him a little, and gave a 'hmph', muttering, "How about you pay attention to rocks instead of me? I just remembered how bad of a driver you are when distracted. You can dash yourself on the rocks all you want, but leave me out of it."

That was true, and Lukas barked a laugh as he turned his eyes back out to the sea, teasing in turn, "Sure thing! I forgot I'm in the presence of a deity. Forgive my commoner driving. I'll do my best to conduct you to your final destination without disaster."

A commoner? Hardly—Lukas was the farthest thing from. Ludwig was always the one who felt rather pedestrian around this crazy man. A man far more interesting and well-off and educated than he was. Inadequacy was so easy to feel around Lukas, and yet he seemed oblivious.

The city was farther away every time Ludwig glanced back, and the sun was halfway hidden below the horizon. Pretty shades of orange and red, tinting the sea.

So far, though, he didn't feel much of anything in terms of seasickness. Didn't bother him much, and now that he was used to the motion of the waves he had lessened that death-grip on Lukas' chair.

After a while, Lukas saw it, too, and seemed quite pleased for it.

"See? I knew you were cut out for the ocean. You fit right in."

Maybe. Wasn't going to be a sailor anytime soon, but it was nice for a taste, being on the ocean.

When the sun had set entirely, leaving only an orange glow above the waves, Lukas stopped the boat and dropped anchor. Ludwig went to the back of the boat and turned his eyes to the shore. A good few kilometers away, but visible in detail yet.

He stared out over the waves at the distant glow of the city, looking a bit mournfully at the building in which he had previously worked, and felt rather subdued. Sad. Had enjoyed his time there, really had, and regretted losing it, even if the reward was worthwhile.

Lukas no doubt could see on his face how he felt, and crept up behind him to wrap arms around his waist and rest his chin on Ludwig's shoulder. Did make him feel a little better, and for just a moment, Ludwig had half a mind to grab Lukas' radio and tease Francis a little, to be on the other end, but wouldn't risk getting Francis into the same situation he was in.

A kiss on his cheek.

The wind picked up a little, warm and comforting, as the crescent moon hung up on high. Ludwig could say that being on the sea at night was pleasant. The gentle motion of the waves was soothing, once he got used to it. Must have made for a decent sleep. Would find out shortly, as hours passed with quiet chatter over the sound of the sea, and then Lukas was suddenly grabbing his hand and pulling him over to the middle of the boat and leading him carefully down the stairs.

Sure enough, in the tiny cabin was a little bed. Just big enough for two people as long as they squeezed in, and that was surely something Lukas was very much looking forward to.

And to be honest, so was Ludwig.

Marvelously surreal, climbing under a blanket and having an arm thrown over him, face to face with Lukas as they continued their idle chatter as sleep came up. Ludwig couldn't fight off the lull of the sea, and drifting in and out was easy as Lukas' murmuring slowed and eventually fell still.

Comfort.

There was no better feeling than having someone beside of him in bed, no way to describe the way it felt to be in someone's embrace, the scent of someone different there next to him. Huddling under the blanket and having warmth there that wasn't his own. Missed that feeling. Being alone could never cut it.

The boat sloshed gently in the waves, and at some point in the night, in the middle of heavy sleep, Lukas rolled over to face him again. An arm over his chest, rolling him over, dragging him from sleep, and a hand rose to his face. Fingers trailing down his neck. Restless shifting.

Sleep faded and was replaced with warmth.

Hands running over him, his own grabbing Lukas in turn. For once, there was no anxiety, no fear, no doubt. Ludwig didn't second-guess himself that time, didn't panic and didn't fret. Was far too caught up in that heat for that, far too comfortable here with this familiar stranger, and when Lukas rolled over on top of him, Ludwig felt _happy_.

Happy.

Had been a wonderfully common sensation these days, and Ludwig loved Lukas for making him feel that way.

One of the best nights he could ever remember having, tangled up in that tiny bed with Lukas, touching and breathing heavily and sometimes laughing because they had nearly toppled out onto the floor with a wrong movement and sometimes Lukas hit his head on the short cabin ceiling.

A long, wonderful night.

Feeling wanted—that was better than any success, and job, any amount of money. The struggles of real life never seemed that important when someone was whispering in his ear.

It had been years since he had fallen asleep with a weight above him that didn't make him feel trapped. To feel content and affectionate, to want the person above him to be there. To feel like the other half of a duo rather than a prisoner.

He slept hard after that, for the first time in months. Didn't even dream.

Dawn broke.

Ludwig woke up to an empty bed, and that actually shocked him a bit because he was so used to being the first one awake. Seemed that Lukas was an early bird, too, and when Ludwig stretched and rolled out of bed and went up the stairs, Lukas was staring off towards the rising sun, arms folded on the railing.

Ludwig hung back on the steps, halfway out, and watched him.

His first time really catching Lukas in a moment of certain sincerity. Couldn't read Lukas at all sometimes, and didn't know how much of Lukas' offered emotions were genuine. Seeing him like that, alone and with no one to put on an act for, would probably be one of the few times Ludwig could actually ever really see Lukas.

Couldn't see his face, but his posture was perfectly relaxed. Content. When he turned his head from time to time, Ludwig could catch a glimpse of a smile on his face, his lidded eyes and the relaxation of the crease in his forehead. Looked quite serene, but not that stoic face of calm Ludwig was used to. Rather, a sort of happiness. Hard to explain, but easy to see.

Perhaps Ludwig could say that that was his first time seeing a real Lukas.

Not a bad sight.

After he had had his fill of that unguarded Lukas, Ludwig finally came all the way up the steps and onto the deck. Lukas glanced over his shoulder, and Ludwig could already see that familiar blankness. Ah, well. Nice while it had lasted. Ludwig made his way over, settled in beside of Lukas as the sun rose ever higher, and Lukas was quick to throw an arm out and rest it over his shoulders.

"So. How was your first night on a boat? Like it? Sleep well?"

Ludwig snorted, leaning into Lukas as the sky lit up pink and orange. Pale blue above.

"It's nice and all, but... How can you stay on here so long? I can't imagine being here every day. I'd go crazy. Don't you get bored?"

Lukas watched the waves beyond, and gave a 'Hm!'

"Sometimes. I usually find ways to distract myself. I think about going home a lot, but I like being on the boat, though. I can go wherever I want, and no one can find me unless I want them to."

...that sounded great.

Or it would have, anyway, had Ludwig still been in flight mode, had he still been on the run, so to speak. But he wasn't anymore, wasn't wanting to run now, and Lukas being able to up and leave at any point was extremely disconcerting to him, insecure as he was.

Hated thinking about how Feliciano must have felt, now that he could potentially be on the other end.

They fell into silence, Lukas' arm still there above him, and the sun at last broke fully above the horizon. Lukas went to the wheel soon after, and began taking the boat back to the harbor.

Good—could use a coffee like nobody's business.

Ludwig clung to the railing and just watched the sea, running his options over his head. Had to go to the office now and resign, had to say goodbye to Francis, had to figure out where he went from here. Had to figure out so much, so much, and it was overwhelming.

The boat docked, Lukas grabbed his rope, and Ludwig could see that Lukas was already leering at him. Oh, boy—what now?

Ludwig raised up and down on his toes, anxious to dart off the boat before Lukas could do whatever odd thing he had in mind, but wasn't quick enough; as soon as Lukas had tied the boat, he leapt on Ludwig, throwing that arm over his shoulders again and this time closing it in around his neck, pulling him back just as he meant to leap down.

"What's the rush? Don't you wanna hang out for a while?"

Ludwig struggled to twist his head from beneath Lukas' forearm, and said, "I have to go resign, remember? There's no way you could have forgotten, since it's your fault and all."

Lukas seemed thoroughly unconcerned, and didn't let him go at first. Lukas was eyeballing him again; Ludwig could see him out of the corner of his eye, but was too nervous to look over, twisting as he was in Lukas' grasp.

And then, suddenly, Lukas reached out with his other hand, and ran warm fingers through the tips of his hair.

"So, you go and resign, get all your stuff, and then you come with me across the sea and move in with me, right? Was that your plan?"

Ludwig fell deathly still in Lukas' arms, and was fairly certain he had stopped breathing, mouth open and eyes wide.

Oh, god. That was the quickest invitation to move in he had ever had, which, in all fairness, actually wasn't saying too much. Feliciano, even, had at least waited a year before he had asked that question.

Lukas, taking advantage of his immobility, twisted him around so that they were chest to chest, arms locked around Ludwig so tightly that there was no chance of escape. A smirk, as Lukas popped up and kissed his forehead, throwing out, "What's that look about? Speechless, huh? Yeah, I have that effect."

Ooh, that jerk! Was gonna get it if Ludwig could wriggle free.

Lukas held his grip, keeping Ludwig still, and teased, "Calm down! You're not trying to be my runaway bride, are you?"

Ludwig opened his mouth, lost his voice, and looked away in humiliation because Lukas had absolutely no idea how spot on he was with that comment, if only a few months too late. Feliciano would have had a few snide remarks to throw into that conversation.

Lukas was still smiling away, clearly enjoying how much he could make Ludwig squirm.

A quick, random, "You know what I like the best about ya?"

A faint tint of his cheeks as he gave up struggling, and Ludwig could only ask, anxiously, "What?"

Lukas kept trying to lean around and meet Ludwig's gaze, but Ludwig stubbornly managed to avoid it despite Lukas' best efforts.

Finally, Lukas spoke up, and Ludwig thought that maybe his voice was a little less aloof than usual when he said, "What I like the most about _you_ , is that you don't really seem to know how great you are. I think even if I told ya a thousand times, you still wouldn't get it."

Sure enough, just like that, he could feel his damn face burning, and ducked his head farther yet to the side a little in an effort to salvage a little dignity. Would break his own neck at this rate.

Lukas seemed all the more eager to continue embarrassing him, seeing him squirming, and was happy to add, "And I think that even if it did get through your thick skull, somehow I don't think ya'd even care. That's what I like the most about you. You're so patient. And nice. It's so hard to find handsome guys that are just nice for no reason, you know? And that's another thing; it's like you don't know how handsome you are, either. I kinda feel like you don't even believe me when I say it. Hell, I think if _you_ had been the one to come after me, I woulda thought, 'what's a gorgeous guy like that doin' talkin' to _me_?' That's what I like the most about you. How you just don't get it. I do kinda wish, though, that you'd figure it out. Just to see you stop staring at the ground for a while. To have you stop blushing so much. Maybe just believe me for once. That would be nice."

The most embarrassing thing was, somehow, the tone of Lukas' voice. Deeper and more _there_ than Lukas' usual tone, as if he had actually come down to earth for a minute to say something he really meant.

Mortifying, and enthralling. No one had ever talked to him like that.

Feliciano had crooned to him all the time, yeah, but Feliciano complimented everyone and everything so much that after a while it hadn't meant anything anymore, and the way he did it was just a part of his friendly nature. Whenever Feliciano had called Ludwig beautiful, it didn't seem like too big of a deal, because Feliciano called everything in sight beautiful. Paintings, trees, birds, the sun, the grass, everything.

Hearing Lukas say those words, in that strange voice and seeming so serious, felt worlds different.

That was all Ludwig really managed to think, at least, before complete and utter humiliation shut down his brain and the burning on his face was becoming alarmingly uncomfortable. Too damn shy suddenly to even look over at Lukas, who was no doubt beaming away.

Was about to combust.

In the end, though, mercifully, that silvery voice came back, Lukas finally released him from his arms, and his tone was quite aloof again when he said, "Or not! If you did figure it out, then I probably wouldn't stand a chance. I'd hate for ya to realize that I'm just a regular guy."

Regular? Bullshit. Nothing about that man was normal.

A long, horrible moment of immobility as Ludwig tried desperately to rev his brain back up long enough to not fall over and die, and Lukas nudged his shoulder.

"Will you come back tonight? Or if you really don't like the boat, can I come over? I like having you next to me."

So red that his skin actually felt very hot, Ludwig kept his head down and grumbled, weakly, "Yeah— I'll call you when I'm done."

"I'll be waiting. Like always."

At last, his senses returned and Ludwig bolted, heart thudding and feeling simultaneously elated and petrified.

Because he had really started considering Lukas' little hints, his nudges, and maybe the dumber side of him was actually starting to consider giving Lukas' home a shot.

That night, after resigning and enduring a very painful goodbye with Francis, at least as coworkers, Ludwig met up with Lukas once more at the pier, and for the second time he boarded that boat.

This time, when Lukas asked, "Where do you wanna go?" Ludwig threw all caution to the wind and replied, carelessly, "Wherever you want."

As usual, letting Lukas lead was very risky.

"So!" Lukas began, quite casually, "What you're sayin' is that you wanna come home with me, huh?"

Ludwig frowned.

"That's not what I said."

Maybe it had been what he was thinking, though.

"That's what I heard. You'll like it. I like the sea and all, but I kinda miss the forests. Sure you don't wanna come? We can go walkin' and I can show you some of the forest cats. Damn things climb cliffs, ya know. Moonlight doesn't seem to hurt them."

...okay, then.

He couldn't say that he really wanted to see magical cliff-scaling cats, but man. Hearing Lukas talk about 'em was somehow enthralling. Maybe he was a little curious.

Lukas came up with things that never would have crossed a sane person's mind. Things that Ludwig certainly never would have dreamt up. Even Feliciano's creative mind couldn't have tossed out the things Lukas' did. To be fair to Feliciano, he was just a normal guy, creative or no; Lukas was _crazy_.

Ludwig didn't respond to Lukas' coaxing, keeping his eyes on the dark sea as Lukas moved them out. Didn't take them all the way up to Norway that night, though, and instead merely settled in the same place they had the night before, and after dropping anchor Lukas settled in beside of Ludwig against the railing.

Warm fingers on the back of his neck.

"So. You don't really have anything here now, do you? Your brother doesn't live here. You don't work here anymore. Do you wanna come home with me? Try it out for a little while? What do you have to lose?"

Ludwig stared out at the endless ocean, and thought he felt himself smile a little.

"Do you _want_ me to go home with you?"

Obviously, but Ludwig drew it out because he was so anxious.

Lukas raised a brow, gave a short sigh, and muttered, "You really don't take hints! Alright, let me try again." A long, hard stare, and the fingers on the back of his neck gripped a bit. When he leaned forward enough to press their noses together, Lukas' voice had gotten a little deeper. "I would very much like for you, Ludwig, to get off of this goddamn boat and come onto land and come live with me, Lukas, in my house in Norway. And preferably stay there. And sleep in my bed. While I am also there. In my bed. I would like for you to come home with me. There. Did that do it? I can write it down, if you want."

Ludwig stared over at Lukas, folded arms resting atop the metal, and it was a short second before Ludwig snorted, and murmured, "No. I think I got the point."

"Well, then! I eagerly await your response."

Ludwig turned his eyes back to the glow of the city, and began his contemplation. Weighing his options and considering the pitfalls. Everything that could go wrong. So many things could go wrong, packing up and moving in with a man he still didn't truly know.

But things sometimes went right, and so much of life relied on luck and just acting on impulse.

Lukas did have a point—what did he really have to lose?

Nothing.

Finally, Ludwig let himself smile all the way without constraint, and relaxed against the railing, looking contentedly over the city.

And when he spoke, he said, in an unfamiliarly warm voice, "I'll go home with you."

Lukas smiled, too, and it was the first time that Ludwig had seen a real smile without sneaking up on Lukas when he was alone. The first time Lukas had let that mask down and given Ludwig a real smile, not one of those crooked leers he usually got, that he allowed Ludwig to see it willingly.

Seeing that smile, Ludwig leaned over and pressed their cheeks together, and felt happy again.

Didn't matter if it worked out or not, in the end. What mattered was that he felt happy in that moment, and that kept his mind from possible consequences. Living in the present for once, and trying not to worry and panic about the future.

A whisper.

"Thank you."


	7. Ashes and Ghost

**Chapter 7**

**Ashes and Ghost**

August.

Trouble came along, but not at first. Crept up out of nowhere.

Ludwig had been content.

It was pretty, where Lukas lived. Quiet. Isolated. Old, massive forests all around, jagged cliffs, and a fjord in the distance. All Ludwig knew about the village was that it was called Nese. Small and quaint. The house in which Lukas lived was old, wooden, two levels and well-tended. Felt more like a lodge than a house, really, not helped by the location.

Arriving there the very first day had been somewhat overwhelming, and Ludwig felt more than a little inadequate in light of Lukas' apparent wealth. Had known in some way that Lukas was well-off since the beginning, yeah, but it was so much easier to see like this, in this house in one of the most expensive countries in the world. Stepping inside was quite the event, though, and Ludwig was easily distracted from his insecurity by utter awe.

An interesting place.

Lukas' fascination with Norse mythology played a part in every aspect of his life, it seemed, because his home was covered with reminders of it. Paintings on the walls of the gods, coats of arms and a shield over the fireplace. In the corner of the living room, a great wooden statue of a twisting snake biting its own tail.

Beautiful.

Coming home with Lukas was an abrupt decision, and once Ludwig settled down with Lukas in that house he really started to get to know him. Probably should have been the other way around, but Lukas seemed to make him leap before he looked.

They sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace on the second night, and Ludwig had stared up at the painted wooden shield on the wall as Lukas' arm hung heavy over his shoulders.

Lukas saw his gaze, and offered, "My father brought that back from an excursion when I was a kid."

Ludwig gawked over, and asked, in shock, "It's real?"

Lukas gave a nonchalant nod, and Ludwig scoffed a bit. Shouldn't something like that have been in one of those museums? Surely they would have paid a great deal of money for it, although donation certainly would have been the nobler option.

Ludwig asked, shortly after, "What does your father do? Is he an archaeologist or something?"

"He did it as a hobby," Lukas supplied, as Ludwig turned his eyes to the other items in the room. "He was a professor. He studied Norse mythology. He used to go on excavations a lot. He could even speak Old Norse. Cool, huh?"

Ludwig stared at the snake statue in the corner, and asked, carefully, "Your mother?"

"She was a professor, too. That's how they met. They taught me everything they knew. I didn't take up the Old Norse too well, though. I've forgotten most of it. With no one to speak it with, you know."

Explained so much of Lukas' love of mythology, his odd mannerisms and strange superstitions. Why he was so, well...weird.

Knowing what Ludwig probably wanted to ask, Lukas offered, calmly, "They died a few years ago. My father had a heart-attack, and my mom just kinda... She got sick after. Think she just kinda gave up. They had good lives, though. They were happy. That's what matters."

A nice way to look at it. Ludwig could never see it like that, had never been able to really see the positive side of things. Just waited for the negative, it seemed.

They fell quiet, and Ludwig kept on looking around and gathering his thoughts.

So curious and knowing that it was so very tactless just to ask, 'How do you have so much money?', Ludwig tried to think of ways to voice his queries without appearing rude or insensitive, but there wasn't really any possible way, not one that he could see.

So he tried, "Is this your parents' house?"

"Nah," Lukas replied, so casually, dragging Ludwig into his side as the fire crackled, "This was my grandparents'. I still have my old home in Bergen. I don't really want to live there anymore, but I can't bring myself to sell it. I grew up there. I just go back and forth between houses. Since I'm not working now, here I am."

Well.

"And so...what did you do, before you came stalking me on your boat?"

A snort.

"I was going to be a professor like my parents, but I lost interest in that pretty quick."

Ludwig nudged his elbow in Lukas' side, quick to tease, "How's that? You don't have any problem trying to school me!"

Lukas' smug sneer.

"I like _you_ , though. Can't imagine having a room full of bored kids ignoring me and not listening."

"I'm pretty sure you'd be able to put them in line easily."

To say the least. Lukas was incredibly unnerving, very intimidating in his own way, and would surely be able to put a classroom into line with merely one of those emotionless stares. Had missed his calling, perhaps.

"I worked at the Bryggens museum after that. My parents got me into the archaeological scene. I liked it there. Would probably still be there if not for you. Look at me now; thirty-two and unemployed. You and your siren call went and took me away for too long."

A twinge of ego.

Couldn't say that working at a museum was exactly a goldmine, nor was being a professor, so all Ludwig could assume was that Lukas was just generational wealth. Must have been nice.

The anxiety came up quickly enough when Lukas turned the tables, and asked Ludwig in turn, "What about you? What does your brother do? Your parents?"

Ludwig hesitated, dreading the inevitable and fretting about what Lukas would think of him. A man like that, having grown up wealthy and knowing nothing else, so educated and unintentionally haughty.

After a second of gathering his courage, Ludwig finally managed, in a low voice that threatened to give out entirely, "My parents died when I was seven, in a car crash. Gilbert raised me alone. It was always just us. I never really got to know them. They—well. They had just adopted me not long before. I barely remember them. But my mother was a nurse, and my father was an accountant."

Nothing interesting, at least not in comparison to Lukas' adventurous parents.

Lukas was silent and still, and made no motion to interject and let Ludwig speak at will.

"Gilbert sort of...job hops a lot. Bars, restaurants, offices, that kinda thing. He has trouble staying in one place for too long. He can be a little temperamental."

...to say the least.

Ludwig trailed off, hoping that maybe that would just be good enough, but Lukas was apparently as curious as Ludwig was, because it wasn't too long before he asked, "And what were you doing before you started making men dash themselves upon the rocks?"

A tease to encourage him, and maybe it worked, a little.

Just wanted to avoid speaking about Feliciano as best he could.

Ludwig just responded, "Nothing special. I just worked in a restaurant, before I came here."

What could he really say? 'I was going to study engineering so I got a job as a cook when I was seventeen to save money, but one of the waiters there fell in love with me and swept me off my feet and then I just kinda lived with him for six years before running away in the middle of night when he thought we were doing great, but don't worry, I totally won't do that to _you_.'

Not a good start to any relationship.

How droll that must have seemed to Lukas, whose parents had been quite extraordinary and had imparted that onto their very unique son. Felt like such a little bland wallflower next to iridescent Lukas.

For his part, when Lukas spoke, it was merely to say, "Lucky for me you decided to heed the call of the sea, huh? My loss otherwise."

Oh.

Lukas seemed unbothered, no shift whatsoever, and Ludwig somehow hadn't expected that, although his fretting was often for naught.

They didn't speak much after that, as Lukas' wandering hands seemed interested in other activities, and Ludwig felt steadily more at home.

Comfortable.

The next day, Lukas took him walking in the forest, amidst the great trees, and prattled on about this and that, and Ludwig, absurdly perhaps, kept an eye out for forest cats.

Lukas was rubbing off on him, it seemed.

Every day, Lukas would show him something new, and Ludwig would fall just a little bit more in love with him. Lukas didn't seem to be in any rush to find a new occupation at the moment, not as Ludwig settled in, although Ludwig was certainly mulling over in his head what in the world he would end up doing out here. Such a small little town—what could there ever really be for someone like him?

Not a very present worry for either of them, though, with Lukas always hauling him on walks and little adventures. Taking him one day into the trees and the next onto the fjord, and Ludwig's favorite moments were when Lukas would take him high up onto the forested cliffs and find a spot overlooking the water, and would just ramble on until nightfall about the local stories from the area, myths and tales and whatnot. Ludwig would just sit next to him and stare out at the moon above the little town below, and try to picture in his head all of the great events Lukas described. So easy, when Lukas was so remarkably detailed and vivid in his words.

Certainly a skilled storyteller.

They were happy.

_Ludwig_ was happy.

Wasn't until the end of August that _that_ guy came by for the first time.

Had been a normal day, like any other. They had come back from an early hike to an extra car in the drive. Lukas had fallen still, and from the unexpected look of shock on his face, Ludwig had immediately been anxious, because Lukas was always so impervious.

Lukas looked around, suddenly went as stiff as a board, and Ludwig followed his gaze to see a man leaning against the side of the house, arms crossed and legs splayed out in a posture that had immediately reminded Ludwig of Gilbert.

Wasn't Gilbert, although Ludwig sure as hell wished it was.

A stranger, but only to him, because clearly Lukas knew that man quite well, and suddenly Lukas stalked forward without warning, raising his voice and nearly shouting, "What are you doing here?"

The man snapped his head over in surprise, pushed off of the wall and came forward, and Ludwig hung back, off to the side in the first trees and somewhat out of their immediate sights, although he wasn't attempting to hide.

The man and Lukas were right in front of each other, abruptly, and Ludwig paid attention.

Could see in his posture how irritated Lukas truly was, and the other man wasn't far behind, bristled up and chest puffed, legs braced and looking very sure and commanding.

A low, rather guttural grumble.

"Well 'hello' to you, too. I just came to see if you were still alive. You were gone so long. And I think I left a watch somewhere."

Lukas didn't seem to care much about a lost watch, waving his arm in the air towards nothing in particular, very riled up, and said, "Why would you come back? What were you thinking? I thought you had finally gotten it through your thick skull that we were over. After I said it six times."

Ludwig realized who the man was, although in some way he had always known, and felt himself bristle at the sight of someone who was an immediate threat.

"Oh, come on," the man retorted, dropping his shoulders and looking a little distressed. "How the hell am I supposed to understand anything, the way you are? You change your mind every day! I don't even know what I did this time. I already said I was sorry. What else do you want? Hell! _I_ said I was sorry, and I didn't even do anything wrong! _You_ were the one who up and left—"

And what a threat, because goddamn, that man was damn _handsome_. That was a problem. His own self-consciousness squirmed in, and Ludwig quickly turned his eyes to the woods as the man grumbled away to Lukas in low tones.

Lukas spit a curse and waved his hand in the air, hissing, "Could you blame me? The way you are! Getting away from you was the only way to keep myself from screaming!"

Ludwig could only watch. Wait. His pulse was hammering. So strange, so bizarre, being there in front of that man.

Ludwig dared a glance over and observed him, took him in.

That man.

Oh, _no_. Honestly, that guy was one of the most handsome men Ludwig had ever seen. Not even fair at all, it really wasn't. Could have been a damn model. Tall and broad, dirty-blond and blue-eyed, sharp jaw and straight nose. Big hands. Well built. Looked like he had fallen right out of some old Hollywood poster. Pretty eyes, a dark blue, with heavy lashes. Hardly a fair fight, if the guy still wanted Lukas, because Ludwig wouldn't have stood a chance. Not against a guy like that. Could have even been called gorgeous.

A few more minutes of arguing, and then the man happened to turn his head.

Finally, Ludwig seemed to be noticed, and the man glanced over Lukas' shoulder with a crinkled brow and narrow eyes.

"Who's that?"

Ludwig puffed his chest, held his chin high, and primly refused to acknowledge anything going on.

Who's _that_. Meh—if he were honest, he'd'a opened his mouth and barked, 'I'm the guy that's sleepin' in what was formally _your_ bed, that's who _I_ am.'

No point in making a scene.

...anyway, that guy was really big. Didn't really want to start a fight. Didn't want to argue, didn't want to get dragged into this lover's quarrel. Just wanted to hide back and pretend this hadn't happened at all.

Everything just seemed to have a way of going wrong for him.

Lukas just looked back, so calm and collected and carefree, and then said, so airily, "That's Ludwig."

As if that meant anything.

The man's face dropped for a second before he managed to gather himself, and it was obvious that he was angry when he spat, "So! Guess that's my replacement, huh? That it?"

Lukas was still so calm. Cool.

And when he spoke, all he said was, "Guess so."

So matter-of-fact.

A low mutter, bitter and deep. "Well. So that's what you were doin' down there, all that time. I see. I get it now. Good to know I was up here waiting for you like a dumbass while you were shopping."

A pang of hurt in Ludwig's chest, embarrassment, and it was an awful sensation he had, feeling quite low and rather like some kind of home wrecker, although it wasn't his fault. 'The other man.' Was that what he was, in the end?

Lukas didn't show any emotion, blank as ever, and didn't seem very ashamed as he stared his ex down.

Ludwig finally cracked, humiliated as he was, and walked quietly and quickly past them, ducking inside the house, fleeing and removing himself from that situation so that he wouldn't have his ego and self-worth nicked anymore.

Just stayed by the window and watched through the blinds.

Long minutes of shouting, angry gestures and arguing.

But then...

Something shifted, somehow, once they had apparently gotten everything off of their chests, and the arguing turned into a rather quiet impasse. Awkward glances. Low tones.

A while later, the conversation seemed to become a bit more amicable. Less hostile.

Dread mounted.

It hurt a little, when Lukas seemed to crack a smile despite trying very hard not to.

Ludwig felt threatened. Tread upon. Territory had been invaded. It was well within Lukas' rights to attempt to retain a friendship with an ex, sure, but that his ex was so unfairly handsome was quite alarming.

At some point, the man must have told some stupid joke, because he started laughing and Ludwig was very aware that Lukas had almost laughed, too. Almost.

The man left that day, but not before reaching out and taking Lukas' hand within his own and giving it an affectionate squeeze, a hopeful smile wide on his face. Lukas watched him go with an odd expression, as if he were trying very hard to keep a straight face.

Guess that 'lost watch' had been forgotten somehow. How surprising.

Lukas stood there for a long while, until the man was well out of sight, and even when he was gone he didn't go back inside immediately. When he finally did, he looked somewhat dazed, rather breathless, as if he wasn't sure if he was actually awake or not.

That terrified Ludwig.

And it took Ludwig actually speaking up to get Lukas to look at him at all.

"Who's that?" he asked, even though he knew, and Lukas knew that he knew.

A short hesitation, and when Lukas glanced over at him, his eyes were rather strange. So was his voice. As breathless as the air about him.

"Ah... Magnus. That's Magnus. He was the one who was previously...occupying."

Ludwig could only stand there, still slumped and feeling so defeated for some reason, and just managed a quick, "Oh."

Lukas shook off that odd look fast enough at the sight of Ludwig's distress, and was quick to come forward and grab Ludwig by the waist and push their foreheads together.

"Like I always said, he's a real blockhead. I have to say things ten times before it sinks in through that thick skull. Don't worry about him."

All Ludwig could do was take Lukas' word, as he had every single time before, and nod his head.

Don't worry about him, Lukas had said. Ludwig had _wanted_ to believe it, he really did, and tried so hard to just let it go and carry on, despite the anxiety and self-consciousness that constantly nagged him.

But then, suddenly, it was _hard_ not to worry about it, because the house phone rang a lot after that.

Lukas always picked it up, and Ludwig hated it, because he knew who was calling.

Hearing Lukas' soft, silvery voice sounding content was always worse. Laughter. He'd never really made Lukas laugh—couldn't. He wasn't funny, wasn't witty, wasn't charming, not like Gilbert, not like guys like that. He wasn't quick enough on the draw, couldn't come up with jokes. Lukas' laugh... Strange.

Felt so _sad_ these days. Felt as if, somehow, Ludwig was sliding downhill. As if he were losing some kind of invisible battle. As if the man called Magnus was somehow deposing Ludwig from a role that Ludwig hadn't even had time to truly establish.

Days dragged.

* * *

September.

They didn't really go on many hikes anymore.

When they did, they were very quiet, somewhat strained, because every time Ludwig looked over at Lukas it was only to see Lukas staring off distantly, so aloof and dreamy. Not there at all, and in some way Lukas hadn't really been there since the day Magnus had first come by. Had been lost somewhere up in his head, and hadn't come down.

Lost in thought.

Ludwig wasn't dumb—he knew what Lukas was mulling so fervently.

Over who he wanted.

Lukas was suddenly caught between two men that wanted him, and he didn't seem to know which one he wanted in turn.

That hurt.

Sitting there on the couch at night, Lukas' arm over his shoulder and wondering if silent Lukas was thinking about someone else. Ludwig would have asked, would have brought it up, would have forced a conversation, if he were braver. Wasn't, though, because he was afraid that Lukas' answer may not have been the one he wanted to hear.

Maybe he had come here for nothing.

Had had nothing to lose, yeah, but that didn't make it any less painful when it was becoming apparent that it may have been a dead-end.

He came out of the bathroom sometimes to hear Lukas whispering away on the phone, tone very low and words short and clipped. He always quickly hung up when Ludwig came into view. Ludwig thought he might have looked a little guilty, but Ludwig didn't ask.

At this point, Ludwig was rather just sort of floating along, hoping for a wind or a change in the current, hoping that he would find Lukas drifting towards him once more and farther from the magnet that seemed to be pulling him away.

Didn't.

Lukas just carried on in that strange silence, distant and sometimes just looking rather frustrated. Maybe, like Ludwig, he had a few things to say but wasn't brave enough to start a conversation.

It wasn't going to be much longer before one of them cracked, and Ludwig wanted, more than anything, just to know where Lukas stood. Wanted to ask him, once and for all, who he wanted to occupy this house. If he wanted Magnus to come back. If, just maybe, Lukas had been as impulsive as Ludwig and was regretting his decision to bring a man home before thinking it over completely.

Seeing Magnus after their breakup may have just reminded Lukas that he had actually still been in love, however angry he had been.

And then, one day, in the middle of that terrible tension, there was a knock on the door.

Ludwig was the one to open it, despite trudging to it so slowly and wearily that Lukas could have come all the way downstairs and beaten him to it. When he pulled the door open, a hand stopped in midair, and Ludwig saw there exactly who he had expected.

That man. Magnus.

The hand fell slowly down, an awkward silence, and then Magnus tried to say something, but all that came out was a deep, "Oh."

Oh. Yeah. What was he supposed to say?

Eventually, Magnus added, lowly, "You're still here, huh?"

Ludwig was too disheartened to be angry, and said, rather monotonously, "Yeah."

"Oh. I thought..."

Thought what? That Lukas had kicked him out? Had they talked about it? Had Magnus come by because Lukas had told him that this house would soon be his again? Lukas hadn't been speaking much to him lately—was it because he was choking on the words? Too embarrassed to tell Ludwig to beat it?

Who was _he_ , really, to Lukas in the end? Magnus had been Lukas' significant other for who knew how long, and Ludwig had only come onto the scene after a fight and because Lukas had been angry and out of Magnus' sights. In a way, however small, Ludwig had sort of always been 'the other man'. Lukas had been seething and alone, a man was only a man, and wandering eyes and hands were normal. Lukas' had just found Ludwig, and impulsive decisions were made.

Magnus seemed as unwilling to back down as Ludwig was, although perhaps both of them should have just found someone else.

Yet here they stood.

Maybe Magnus had more right to this house, although Ludwig detested the thought.

They just stared at each other for a while, each looking as uncomfortable as the other, and then Magnus averted his pretty eyes to the ground and muttered, "Well. I, uh... Well. Ah, hell, I'm sorry, I just— I just don't know what to _say_ to you."

Ludwig, eyes feeling so heavy, shrugged a shoulder.

"You don't have to say anything. You wanna talk to him? I'll go get him, I guess."

Felt like he was sleepwalking, and for some reason Magnus suddenly looked as humiliated as Ludwig felt.

"I didn't mean... It's not that I have anything against _you_ , you know, it's just..."

Magnus trailed off, and Ludwig turned his back, and trudged up the stairs.

Almost afraid of opening the bedroom door.

And yet, it had to be done, and so he pushed it open, gently, poked his head in, saw Lukas leaning back in a chair, staring away at nothing out the window, and Ludwig didn't know why his chest hurt so bad when he whispered, "Come downstairs. He's here to see you."

Fled, quickly, before Lukas had time to turn around and look at him.

Couldn't stand to meet his gaze, if only because he didn't want to see if Lukas was happy or not that Magnus had dropped by.

Didn't need to see—he knew. Had been building up to this for weeks now, and Ludwig had felt the decline. Knew what was going to happen, could sense the inevitable and honestly wondered why he was just dragging it out.

Lukas finally came out of the bedroom and made his way downstairs, and Ludwig waited above.

He didn't like to eavesdrop, he really didn't, didn't like to spy, didn't like to be nosy, but this time he couldn't help but hang around the corner, hidden at the top of the stairs to listen as best as he could to the low voices down below.

"...shouldn't have come."

"Sorry. I...told him."

"It's...not so easy. I can't just...lost."

"Don't you think...worse?"

"I... I can't. I can't."

Dread.

His stomach sank down to his feet, and it was then that he went back into the bedroom, sat down on the mattress, and stared outside at the swaying trees. Felt so vulnerable then, so lost and dazed, because he had put everything he had into this without ever really stopping to think of the consequences. Had left everything behind, and was paying for that.

They whispered to each other downstairs for what felt like eternity, as Ludwig's mind wandered.

Enough was enough. Time to force Lukas to a decision. Couldn't stand this back and forth, really couldn't, couldn't live like that, wondering if he was first or second. Wondering if Lukas really wanted him there or just felt too bad to tell him to leave. If Lukas was just humoring him, putting up with him, and that was somehow worse than just being second.

The sound of the door shutting below.

Steps on the stairs.

When Lukas finally slunk inside the bedroom, as quietly as he could, Ludwig was still staring out of the window. A shift on the mattress, as Lukas sat down beside of him. A hand on his shoulder.

Felt like bawling then, he really did, but contained it quite well, knowing that his face was perfectly composed and stoic. Heart hammered away, though, and his hands were shaking. He gripped the edge of the bed to steady them, and it was a long few minutes before he could find the strength to open his mouth.

"So. What is it?"

Silence.

Lukas was staring at him, he could feel it, but he couldn't bring himself to look over.

No response came, so Ludwig clarified, "Who's it going to be? You don't have to lie. Just tell me. Make your choice."

Shifting. Gentle breathing.

And more silence.

Couldn't stand it.

Lukas wasn't going to say it, maybe he couldn't, so Ludwig decided to make it as easy as possible for him, and said, "Do you want me to leave?"

Oh, god, his chest hurt so bad. So bad. Head hurt too, and his cheeks were red, probably from trying so hard not to cry.

He waited. And Lukas, yet again, was silent. Just sat there, staring blankly, as if he had lost his voice. Ludwig, without anything else to go on, took Lukas' silence as a confirmation, and stood up, setting about gathering his things.

How had it come to this?

Wanted to _cry_ , wanted to scream, but somehow managed not to, the whole time. Just glided around in that suffocating silence, so thick, and tried to be as quick and quiet as possible. His hands were shaking so badly he was surprised he even managed to zip the suitcase up at all.

Above it all, above all else, Ludwig could say for certain that he had never felt so _stupid_ in his life. So stupid. Had given up everything so quickly, in the end, for a man he really truly didn't even know.

'I'm glad you gave me a chance,' Lukas had said.

Yeah. He had given Lukas a chance, really had, as much as Lukas had given him one. Just hadn't worked out the way he wanted it to, and he really couldn't blame Lukas all that much.

Ludwig was boring and plain. Always had been. Magnus was handsome and funny, charming and so confident. As Ludwig had always known, it wasn't really a fair fight at all. Ludwig had been fun while he had been new, and now that daze had worn off and Lukas realized that Magnus had been the better option. Lukas had thought that he was done with Magnus until Magnus had been gone, and seeing him again had reminded Lukas that he was actually still in love with him and Ludwig had only been a temporary replacement.

It was what it was. No changing it.

When he walked out of the door, that tiny suitcase in his hand, Ludwig didn't bother to look up and say goodbye. Couldn't. If he opened his mouth, he would have burst into tears.

Lukas just watched him go from the stairs, looking confused somehow. As if, despite it all, Lukas wasn't really sure what was _happening_. As if Lukas had just woken up and the world was upside down. Stood there and watched Ludwig go.

Didn't speak.

So, on the last day of September, Ludwig left the Norwegian shore, and crossed back into Germany.

As always, he traveled alone.


	8. Monochrome Night

**Chapter 8**

**Monochrome Night**

October.

Ludwig stopped and looked back on himself sometimes and realized what an absolute wreck of a man he was. How foolish and childish. How unprepared he was to be alone in the world. How naïve and dumb and susceptible he really was.

Maybe being alone was what was best for him, because when he was alone it seemed as if everything was so clear, so focused and sharp, he could think so easily and so rationally. Was sure of himself and confident.

The second emotion came onto the scene, though, the second someone noticed Ludwig and gave him attention, affection, Ludwig became a mess.

Would be better to be alone, and it was alone that he wandered back to Gilbert's. Didn't have anywhere else to go, and even though it was one of the more humiliating moments of his life to knock on Gilbert's door with no one there beside of him, it was what he had to do.

Gilbert tried to play it all off, for Ludwig's sake, made no move or said no word that would have ever made Ludwig feel foolish, but he didn't need to because Ludwig did that to himself just fine.

Gilbert stared at him sometimes, and Ludwig would catch him out of the corner of his eye and recognize that look of pity.

Pathetic.

Knew that Gilbert was just dying to ask, 'Did you run out on _him_ , too?'

Ludwig changed his phone number the second day with Gilbert, just as he had the day after he had bailed on Feliciano, because the thought of ever looking down and seeing a text from Lukas was mortifying.

They walked frequently when they could, and although Ludwig could see that Gilbert was desperately curious, he didn't ask, and Ludwig loved him for that. Maybe Ludwig was being a little too hard on himself, because Gilbert had failed in so many relationships that Ludwig had actually stopped bothering to remember the new girl's name after a while. He was only out two so far, but that still hurt.

Maybe third time was the charm?

Pfft—yeah. Sure. At this rate, Ludwig never wanted to fall in love ever again. Should probably just be single for the rest of his life. Felt less horrible that way, and if he was alone then nothing could go wrong.

Watching the water wasn't as interesting as it had been before, when he had known that there was a boat drifting out there somewhere waiting for him.

No one waited for him now.

Lukas had gone, and Ludwig was once more starting over again in a world that seemed far too large and daunting for him. Romance was the worst thing that could ever happen to a man, he was sure of it.

But maybe he should have talked a little more to Gilbert, should have opened up to him, should have told Gilbert how he was feeling and tried to express plans for the future, even if he didn't have any at all, because with only that silence Gilbert was left to come up with his own ideas.

And Gilbert, bless him, tried hard but always missed the mark.

Meant well, but one Saturday night Gilbert went entirely off the rails and apparently had decided that he would try to cheer Ludwig up in his own way, and yet what he came up with was the absolute worst thing that could have happened to Ludwig.

Hadn't seen it coming.

Gilbert just walked through the door that night, and Ludwig probably wouldn't have noticed at all if he hadn't had someone at his side.

"Hey, Lutz. Look who stopped by."

Stopped by.

More like, 'Look who I brought by'.

Sure enough, when Ludwig glanced up, Gilbert had a friendly arm around Feliciano's shoulders.

An unpleasant sight, and Ludwig had been so shocked that he had actually gasped, softly, and quickly ducked his head and averted his eyes in absolute mortification.

Good god, had never expected that, not in a million years, hadn't ever thought Gilbert would be so damn dumb, although surely Gilbert thought he was just helping. Maybe Gilbert had let it slip to Feliciano that Ludwig was back in town and Feliciano had twisted his arm about it until Gilbert had relented.

Horror.

The urge to stand up and literally run as fast he could away from that house was overwhelming, but humiliation kept him still. Panic.

They walked over, Feliciano sat down on the recliner in front of the loveseat, and Gilbert must have realized then that a terrible mistake had been made, if only from the horrified look on Ludwig's face, because he sat down next to Ludwig, leaned in, and breathed, softy, "Sorry."

Too damn late for that, and Gilbert knew it.

Ludwig couldn't even look up at them, kept his eyes to the side, and there was a long, uncomfortable silence as Feliciano and Gilbert tried to make small talk as Ludwig tried very hard to sink into the floor and die. Didn't work, and time passed. The hour grew late, and Gilbert finally caved in and escaped that awful atmosphere by going to bed and abandoning Ludwig to Feliciano.

Was gonna give Gilbert the biggest what for in the morning.

It started raining outside. The sound of it battering the roof, as he and Feliciano sat there still.

It was a while before Feliciano finally heaved a sigh, spat some curse in Italian, and then asked, at long last, "Did you get it out of your system?"

Ludwig didn't bother looking up, feeling distant and bland, and asked, "What?"

Feliciano's forced smile had dropped, now that Gilbert was out of sight, and Ludwig could tell right off that he wasn't in the best of moods. Maybe he hadn't wanted to be dragged here, either.

"All that. Whatever you were doing. You get it out of your system? I just assumed you needed a vacation away from me."

This was so awkward. What was he supposed to say? Croon out that old, 'it wasn't you, it was me' bullshit? Feliciano wasn't that dumb, and Ludwig wouldn't go that far and insult him by pretending. As it always had been, it was so much easier for Ludwig to stay silent.

Trying to voice how he felt always went awry.

Didn't understand; Ludwig was so precise and efficient and mechanical in other aspects of his life, in work and his routine. Didn't get why he couldn't apply those same qualities to his emotions as well. Could have written a very dry and very to-the-point manual on anything imaginable, but god forbid he be able to ever put into even the clumsiest words how he was feeling at any given moment.

What a miserable trait to have.

So Ludwig eventually just shrugged a shoulder, turned his head and averted his eyes, and he could hear Feliciano sigh.

"I'll take that as a 'no'."

A bitter scoff.

Ludwig tried his best to just dissolve, feeling so foolish, and so _guilty_ , in the back of his mind. Maybe it had been fair that Lukas had gotten bored with him, as he had gotten bored with Feliciano. Karma, perhaps, had he believed in it.

Feliciano rested an elbow on his knee, leaning over and holding his chin up in his palm, brow crinkled and lips pursed, and Ludwig could see how hard Feliciano was trying to keep from opening his mouth and screaming Ludwig down into filth.

He deserved that, maybe.

In the end, Feliciano just scoffed again, and muttered, lowly, "Six years, and you couldn't just _talk_ to me, huh? Couldn't have just told me how you felt?"

No, he couldn't, and Feliciano had always known that. Had known Ludwig well enough to understand that vocalizing himself was next to impossible when it came to sentiments, and that was why Feliciano had always taken charge.

Ludwig raised his eyes then, and let himself look Feliciano over.

How strange, seeing him again. Feliciano was as handsome as ever, but it was clear enough that he was a bit lackluster. His hair had grown out a little, the stubble was heavy on his cheeks, the circles dark under his eyes, and he looked like he had just woken up with the world's worst hangover after a week long bender. His clothes were wrinkled, his collar unbuttoned so far down that his dark chest hair was poking out, his sleeves were rolled up unevenly, and his previously shined shoes were quite dull.

Feliciano had always taken such care of himself, vain as he was, preening constantly and always admiring himself in some mirror, and so it was more jarring to see him like this. As if he had stopped caring about what he looked like.

Distasteful, because Ludwig didn't really want to think that Feliciano looked so rough because he was still torn up about his relationship falling apart. It had been nearly a year. Surely Feliciano wasn't still in that rut?

That hurt.

To think that Feliciano was still in love with him, still felt as he had that first day, when Ludwig had lost the ability to look at Feliciano in turn and feel that. Made him feel so much worse, because it made him think that there was something wrong with him. If Feliciano still felt that way, why couldn't he? What the hell was really the matter with him? He was mourning Lukas, mourning being cast aside and rejected, when there was someone out there that was still in love with him and would have gladly given him everything Lukas did not.

Would have been so much easier.

But it didn't work like that, and no matter how hard he tried, Ludwig couldn't find that feeling again, and forcing himself to be with Feliciano long after he had fallen out of love with him had been some of the most miserable times of his life.

Couldn't do it.

Feliciano stared at him for a long while, calming himself down no doubt and gathering his emotions so that when he finally spoke he wouldn't go off or slap Ludwig across the face in one of those very Italian moments of passion.

Feliciano's eyes were beautiful, as pretty as that Magnus guy's had been, light brown, amber in the light, lashes thick and dark, and Ludwig missed being entranced by them.

This time, under that gaze, he just felt trapped.

Feliciano finally stood up, walked over, sat down beside of him, glanced at him from time to time, and tried smiling. Ludwig didn't bother, and just held his chin in his hand. Every time he looked up, though, it seemed that Feliciano was closer and closer to his side.

Oh, Gilbert! Why had he brought him over?

Feliciano crept nearer, and Ludwig wondered what Lukas was up to in that very moment.

Lukas.

A surge of bitterness.

Lukas was probably back on his fuckin' boat, philandering with that arrogant piece of work. Crooning away to him as easily as he had to Ludwig. Probably using the same damn lines, too, was probably apologizing by saying he sure was lucky to reel in fuckin' Jormun-whatever.

Anger. His chest hurt. He had been so _stupid_.

An hour or so later, Feliciano gathered the nerve to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. Warmth. Rain spattered the window. The first instinct was to pull away from Feliciano's touch, as much as it made him squirm, but he couldn't bring himself to. Felt so damn bad as it was, seeing Feliciano so rough, and Feliciano's arm wound up over his shoulders shortly after. A tight grip that pulled him in, and around then Ludwig began feeling rather numb.

Almost dazed, in a way. Couldn't believe he was here all over again.

Lips on the side of his head, and a low whisper.

"I _missed_ you. You don't know."

Finally, Feliciano asked what he must have been wanting to ask since the day Ludwig had hit the road.

"Why'd you leave?"

Ludwig had no good answer for that, not one that Feliciano would want to hear, and not one that he would ever have been able to say aloud.

Couldn't.

'Because I was tired of us.'

'Because I couldn't stand looking at you anymore.'

'Because being with you was making me hate everything.'

'Because I fell out of love with you.'

Couldn't say it. He wasn't in love with Feliciano anymore, but couldn't bear the thought of hurting his feelings. He couldn't ever have said those things.

So, in the end, all Ludwig uttered was, "I don't know."

Feliciano was quiet, lips still pressed into the side of Ludwig's head, and his heart started hammering when Feliciano's other arm raised up and he found himself being embraced. The last thing he had ever wanted. Had gotten away from Feliciano, and now found himself once more in his arms, unable to voice himself and folding.

Like always.

Had wound up right where he had started, and Lukas was long gone.

In some way, Ludwig didn't even understand why Feliciano still loved him at all. Hadn't been good enough for Lukas, clearly, and Feliciano was handsome and charming, as easily able to croon and sway as Lukas was. Didn't see the difference between them in that aspect, and Feliciano even wanting to see him at all after what he had done was astounding.

Feliciano forced his head over, met his gaze, their noses pressed together, and Ludwig tried so hard then, so hard, to feel something, anything at all, to summon up that affection, that love, that adoration, and just couldn't.

All he could bring up from the depths was a dull, lurching sense of annoyance.

As it had been before, he felt as if he were performing some duty, a chore, an unpleasant errand. As if letting Feliciano embrace him was just a menial task he had to perform to pass some sort of evaluation. Didn't want to feel that way, but did all the same.

Without any more questions, without pressing him, without really even trying to talk about it, Feliciano suddenly just pressed forward and kissed him. Maybe that was because Feliciano was scared of what the truth would actually be, and getting an answer from Ludwig might not have played into Feliciano's goals in that instant.

To keep himself from screaming or pulling away or shuddering, Ludwig squinted his eyes shut and tried hard to think back and remember old times.

When Feliciano's hand flew to the back of his head and he put more enthusiasm into his kiss, Ludwig remembered the first time Feliciano had ever asked him out. Minding his own business, hidden back in the kitchen, to have Feliciano duck his head down across the line and catch Ludwig's eye, asking how much longer for his food. Ludwig had rolled his eyes, and Feliciano had said, so charmingly, 'If you get my table out before the rest I'll take you on a date tomorrow night.' And Ludwig had rolled his eyes again, but had still made Feliciano's table a priority. Didn't really think Feliciano would take him on a date, but he had.

Feliciano's hands running down his back. Long minutes of Ludwig pretending he was somewhere else. A grip on his arms, as Feliciano pulled him to his feet. A stumble down the hallway. The creak of the door as Feliciano, knowing so well this house, easily pushed Ludwig into the bedroom.

Somewhere else.

Feliciano, and that beautifully terrified look on his face that day he had asked Ludwig to move in with him at last. The stammer in his voice and the way he had moved his hands frantically as he spoke, compulsively gesturing in his nervousness, and the way Ludwig had felt looking at him, that surge of adrenaline and affection and elation. The way the world lit up when for the first time someone wanted him. Feeling that way. Creating a new household, him of all people, settling down when so many other people more worthy were still searching for someone to call their own. Feliciano's incredible smile when Ludwig had accepted. The embrace after, that felt like it lasted for hours.

A kiss on his neck. Hands on chest as he was pressed against the dresser.

The walls were closing in.

Ludwig kept his eyes shut, and kept on trying to find new places to go as Feliciano murmured away to him and began unbuttoning his shirt.

Not the voice he wanted to hear.

Somewhere else.

The year before he had run away. Feliciano had taken him to Italy for his birthday. Ludwig had begrudgingly gone along, pretending to be excited, and Feliciano had smiled the entire weekend. On the last night there, Feliciano had brought him to the roof of the hotel, a glitzy bar, and they had stared out over the lights of the vast city as they sat in the dark. Ludwig had rested his chin in his palm and watched the horizon as Feliciano had blabbered away, and Ludwig had only lifted his head when Feliciano suddenly said, in a much stiffer voice, 'You didn't hear a word I said, did you?' He hadn't, and it was obvious. Feliciano had looked rather foul, a bit morose, and Ludwig had never found out why because he was too absorbed with his own misery and the gnawing need to escape. Hadn't ever really noticed much how Feliciano had been fidgeting. Hadn't taken into account the location, the city, the occasion, the way Feliciano's hand kept on sliding into and out of his pocket, nervously, as if he had something there that he wanted to bring out but was afraid to. Ludwig turned his eyes away, and Feliciano never repeated himself, and they went back home the next morning, Feliciano quiet and looking oddly disappointed.

Had to find somewhere to go, couldn't pin anything down, couldn't grasp something and hold onto it, because his mind kept whirring and things ran through his mind far too quickly to do him any good.

Lukas.

It was only because he was so _mad_ at Lukas that he let Feliciano push him down onto the bed then. Hands down his sides and then under his shirt. Heavy breathing. Lips against his ear. Whispering.

Somewhere else.

But this time, no matter where he tried to go, all Ludwig could really think about was Lukas, and that just made everything so much worse. Wanting to be back in that little bed on that little boat, and instead realizing that he was back at home in bed with Feliciano. That somewhere, Lukas was in bed right now with Magnus. That Ludwig was thinking of Lukas, but that Lukas wasn't thinking about him.

Love was the worst thing that had ever happened to Ludwig. Had been better off without it. Felt so remarkable in the moment, but was indescribably painful went it inevitably went wrong.

Didn't want it.

Somewhere else—on that cliff above the fjord, the moon high and bright. Lukas' pretty voice, murmuring away and hand sweeping over the town below, as Ludwig closed his eyes and pictured the great battle of the gods and beasts Lukas described.

Had been happy there.

Tried so hard in that moment to cling to that happiness, even if it was gone, because if he didn't then he was going to end up crying out of anger and frustration right there beneath Feliciano, and although that probably would have gotten rid of him Ludwig still clung to pride. Pride was really all he had at this point.

As he had for years, Ludwig lied still and let Feliciano do what he wanted, because it was easier than telling him how he really felt.

In some way, then, everything had just come full circle. A loop, an inescapable track that he was running and couldn't divert from.

So familiar, and so terrifying.

Ludwig realized then that he was exactly back where he had started, in the last place he ever wanted to be, under the last person he ever wanted to see. Had run away, only to open up that new door and see that it was just another portal back into his old life. No matter where he went, how hard he tried, it just seemed that he ended right back up where he had begun. Every door opened up to this moment.

Spiraling.

Trapped.


	9. Float Up From Dream

**Chapter 9**

**Float Up From Dream**

November.

He left Gilbert's, because he couldn't stand to see Feliciano. Couldn't stand seeing Gilbert's awkward and guilty smile, him knowing full well how badly he had screwed up. Being around both of them made Ludwig feel worse than being alone did. Couldn't stand hearing a knock on the door and knowing who was on the other side. Every night without fail, Feliciano came over, trying so hard to sweep Ludwig back home even as Ludwig clung very tightly to Gilbert's doorframe.

Feliciano's hands—couldn't stand them anymore. He had been trapped all over again.

This time, though, wiser as he was, he put more thought into his escape, actually planned it out first, and got everything into order as well as he could.

He just picked up the phone one day, consulted his little notepad of numbers, and called Francis.

When he heard that old, friendly voice, Ludwig almost smiled.

_"Long time, no see,"_ Francis crooned. _"You changed your number. Where you been?"_

"Around."

It was the most humiliating thing he'd ever had to do, to lower his voice and ask, with shame, "Do you think I could come...stay with you for a while? Just for a few weeks, until I find something."

With no hesitation, Francis replied, _"Of course you can. Can't wait to see you."_

Didn't deserve it, but was grateful.

In his head, Ludwig had already planned on crawling back into that office and explaining his pitiful situation and hoping against hope that he could manage to scrounge his job back up, even if he still had to be reassigned to another city. Would go this time, gladly, because there was no one waiting for him on either end.

When lodgings were settled, Ludwig sat Gilbert down, told him he was leaving, and he had hated that sad look on Gilbert's face, when Gilbert had been so happy to have him back. That crinkle of Gilbert's brow, and his deep voice when he whispered, morosely, "It's my fault, huh? 'Cause I let him know you were here. Stay, won't you? If you can't tell him you don't wanna be together, I'll do it for you. Anything for you to stay."

Not this time.

He just rested his hand on Gilbert's shoulder, and shook his head.

As always, Gilbert could only accept it, because Ludwig was an adult now and it was time to make his own life again. Ludwig couldn't spend the rest of his days under Gilbert's wing, and was beyond ready to leave the nest yet again.

Ludwig sat down right after, and wrote Feliciano a letter.

Could never say aloud how he felt, so he tried writing it instead. Wasn't much easier, in all honesty, and Ludwig fell far short of saying everything he had truly wanted to. But it was good enough, just enough for Feliciano to hopefully understand that this time Ludwig was gone for good and that he should move on with his life as Ludwig wanted to.

Hoped, above all else, that Feliciano wouldn't be too hurt. Had worded it as gently as was possible.

He handed it to Gilbert, packed up his few things, and hit the road yet again. Had almost become a familiar sensation by then, heading out into the unknown on his own and not knowing what he would find or who would be there.

How many times would he have to start over?

Looked like he was due for yet another number change, too, but didn't get around to it immediately that time, because at last he had some way of letting Feliciano understand. Hopefully that letter would keep him from ever calling Ludwig again. Maybe this time he could just keep it and not feel like some kind of criminal, eluding the shadows behind him.

When he knocked on Francis' door, he was nearly tackled for Francis' enthusiasm, and was guilty right off for not having called him before he had needed a place to crash. Francis didn't seem to hold it against him, and the next thing Ludwig knew they were back at that old café they had gone to a hundred times before. Even though Ludwig tried so hard not to look over his shoulder and hope, it was nice to be comfortable environment.

Just wished...

Couldn't be anymore.

They spent the afternoon catching up, Ludwig spilled his soul to Francis when he couldn't to Gilbert, because, after all, Francis had been there from the very beginning of that strange romance. Francis' look had been rather odd. Strained, in some way. Unusual. Nothing Ludwig could place right away, and he waved it off.

The next morning, Francis went to work, and Ludwig started gathering up his speech in his head for when he finally found the courage to call the office and request an audience. Trying to think of how to word it that would best save his dignity. Maybe his old supervisor would pity him enough, just enough.

When Francis came home that day, though, he had something under his arm, and when he met Ludwig's eyes, he smiled.

"Hey, I got something for you."

"For me?"

Francis set the package on Ludwig's lap, and kept on smiling, as Ludwig became immediately suspicious.

"Why did you get me something?"

"Ah, call it a late birthday present."

Francis seemed rather airy, a bit content, a little smug, and Ludwig could only sigh and start unwrapping the package dutifully. Could only imagine what Francis' idea of a—

Oh.

His heart sank the second he realized what he was holding, and his face fell right along with it.

A radio. The first time he'd seen one since he'd quit the job overlooking the sea.

Melancholy.

A low murmur.

"They were throwin' this one out at work. Old model. Thought it would have a better home with you. It works fine. Play with it a little. You never know what can happen."

Wondered what that was supposed to mean.

He looked up at Francis, tried to smile, and said, "Thank you."

Thought that Francis' look was very strange then, that same look as the day before, as if Francis knew something he didn't, but Ludwig was far too disheartened to ask.

Stared at the radio for a long while, but wasn't brave enough to touch it at all until Francis had gone to sleep. Only then did he inhale and reach out tentatively to flip the switch and start turning the knob.

Garbled words. Static. Tuning and whispers of faint voices.

Nothing interesting.

Ludwig didn't really know what he was hoping for. Why he had even bothered. Didn't see the point of playing with the damn thing at all. Was just intruding on mindless chatter, maritime conversations, and no matter how much he hoped and waited, he wasn't ever going to hear that voice again. Long, awful minutes of letting himself have a hope he shouldn't have, and then Ludwig flipped the switch.

The radio was silent.

Didn't sleep that night, staring at the moonlight through the window and wondering what he could have done differently. How he could have been more interesting. Better. How he could have held Lukas' attention, affection, how he could have been enough. So many what ifs; that was the worst.

When dawn broke and he and Francis had coffee together, Francis didn't miss how quiet and morose Ludwig was.

Putting hope into that radio, foolishly, just to have it dashed.

Francis looked over at him after a long stretch of silence, with a bit of melancholy, and said, "I sure do miss seein' you happy. I miss it. The way you were smilin'."

Ludwig could only glance over and reply, gloomily, "Me too."

Francis clapped him on the shoulder, and Ludwig didn't call the office that day.

Or the next.

Kept on folding, kept on staring at the number on his phone and then setting it aside instead of pressing the call button. Kept on losing his nerve. Was just so ashamed.

In the meanwhile, Ludwig played with the radio, but only when Francis wasn't there or was asleep. Didn't know why, because Francis had been the one to give it to him and obviously wasn't going to think less of him for his foolish gestures.

Yet...

Six days after Francis had given Ludwig that radio, Ludwig realized why.

Just playing with the tuner one day, flipping through frequencies, and suddenly he heard a garbled whisper of a painfully familiar voice.

A lurch of his stomach.

Couldn't be—had just heard things. A bad echo on a bad channel. Just mangled tones that gave off a similar sound. That was all. Had misheard. He fell still for a second, shaken, but eventually raised his hand and tuned again, and he hated more than anything that awful throb of adrenaline, the stupid hope that had crept up again.

Stupid, alright. Wasn't possible.

So he didn't know why he was suddenly hunched over, leaning forward so far that he was nearly tottering onto the floor, why he was tuning that radio so fervently, why his brow was scrunched in concentration and his eyes were razor focused and he was so close to the radio that his forehead was bumping it in intervals.

So stupid, because he was just hearing things, wasn't Lukas, just wasn't, wasn't him—

_"—so please. I don't know what else I can say to you to convince you. Just. Please. Please call him for me—"_

Oh, god.

It was.

It _was_ Lukas, fuckin' Lukas, good god it was really _him_ , and Ludwig was so shocked that he collapsed back into his chair and stared at the radio as if it had grown wings. Incredible. Astounding. Couldn't even breathe then, as his chest clenched up in adrenaline and numbness.

Oh, Francis—!

An awful moment of immobility, dazed and dumb and listening to Lukas whispering away to what was presumably Francis, and then he inhaled, sharply, sat up, and grabbed the microphone and clenched it.

He pressed the button, opened his mouth, and lost his voice.

Choked.

What was he doing? What the hell was he doing? Was he really going to do this all over again? Talk to this crazy man yet again when he knew in his heart he needed to just stay silent?

What was he _doing_?

_"—I ain't goin' anywhere until you call him for me, I'm not, I swear I'll sit out here forever. I know you've heard me by now, I don't care if you can't understand me, you know my voice, you do, you know me—"_

Damn. How long had Lukas been tormenting poor Francis? Francis had probably only given Ludwig this radio so that he could call Lukas off and get him off his back.

...call him off. Right.

In the end, what gave Ludwig the strength to find his voice was that he didn't want Francis to get into trouble as _he_ once had. Didn't want Lukas dragging anyone else down.

So Ludwig finally pressed the button, inhaled, and said, with a tremor, "Leave him alone. He doesn't have anything to do with this."

Set the microphone down immediately, terrified of what he would hear and feeling that he had said his part, staring at the radio in a strange mixture of awe and horror.

Static.

A long silence. The fierce wind outside rattled the window.

And then, at last, Lukas spoke to Ludwig, for the first time in so long.

Yet another very familiar loop Ludwig seemed to find himself in, connecting with this man over radio static.

_"You came. You really came. I was looking for you, for a long time,"_ came the whisper over the waves. _"The day after you left I ran to my boat and turned the radio on again. Never heard you, though. Thought you'd be lookin' for me, too. I came straight here after you left. God, I've been out here, begging your friend to call you for me, something, anything, but no one ever answered me. I've been... I was starting to give up."_

Ludwig didn't answer at first. Didn't feel like it.

Lethargy.

So Lukas carried on.

_"Isn't that funny? I hadn't thought about him in months before that, when he was gone, you know, and I only lasted one day before I_ missed _you. It was kinda nice, havin' someone listen to me and not give me those looks. I know that you know I'm crazy, but it never really seemed like you cared much. Everyone else sort of puts up with me, but...I always thought that maybe you liked that I'm crazy. No one else does."_

Ludwig raised the microphone up, scoffed, and promptly lowered it.

Nothing to say.

Lukas knew he was listening, though, and kept on talking.

_"Two months! Can you believe that? I've been looking for ya for two months. Honestly, I was kinda startin' to lose hope. Thought I wouldn't be able to find you. I would have kicked myself for the rest of my life. The second the door shut behind you, I knew I'd made a mistake. I can't say I'm used to makin' those, really. I don't want you to be the one that got away."_

The one that got away? Hardly; he had just been a fancy. Nothing more, and nothing less, and he didn't understand what Lukas really wanted.

So he stayed silent.

_"Won't you talk to me? I'm so— No. You know what? I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how sorry I am over a damn radio, I'm not. I don't— You deserve a hell of a lot more than that, you do. Please. I'd do anything you want if you just meet me. Even if it's just so you can punch me in the face. Just one time, one more time, please. I'll be waiting, down at the pier. Just like before. Please come. Just let me say what I need to say. Please."_

Yet again, Ludwig remained silent, didn't respond, because his throat was clutched up and his jaw was clamped and he couldn't even think straight. So high on adrenaline that his hands were shaking. A mess, as always.

_"I get it if you never wanna speak to me again, I really do. Just please meet me now, and you can tell me to my face how much you hate me. I'm... I'm gonna go. Alright? I'll be waiting. You know where to find me. Please come. ...I'll see ya."_

With that, static, and Lukas vanished from the airwaves like the ghost he was.

Ludwig sat there, elbows on his knees and staring straight ahead at nothing.

That pitiful tone of Lukas' voice. Had Feliciano's rough appearance been audible, it would very well have been the sound that had just come out of that radio.

Ludwig looked over his shoulder at the bedroom door. No sound. No movement from within. Francis didn't stir. He glanced at the clock; thirty minutes until midnight. Too late to go out. Far too late. Too cold. Too windy. Wouldn't do it. Just wouldn't. Had nothing to say, and nothing he wanted to hear. Wouldn't go.

...ah. Hell.

Who was he kidding?

As soon as his senses came back and he was able to move again, Ludwig stood up, grabbed his coat, and marched out.

Felt so stupid, but went anyway.

The wind blasted him as soon as he stepped foot outside. Could hear the sea, for how furious the swell was. He glanced up as he walked briskly along; almost a full moon. Explained a lot. Wouldn't have been doing this otherwise, surely not. Didn't make any sense.

The smell of the sea, dulled down by the cold freezing his nose.

His pace slowed the closer he came to the pier. Fear, creeping up. The urge to turn tail and flee. The desire to turn around and go back inside and pretend he had never even gotten this far at all.

But then in the distance he could see the sea, lit up in the moon and churning, and there at the entrance of the pier sat a man upon the seawall. Just a dark outline against a darker horizon. It wasn't too late to run, hadn't been spotted, hadn't been called to. Could still run. Shoulda run, knew it, but Ludwig was dumb, probably one the dumbest men to ever walk the planet, and instead of turning around then he just lifted his foot and took another step forward.

The sea was raging.

The water was well beyond freezing. Grey. Rough. Violent.

Didn't seem to matter much to Lukas, anyway, because when Ludwig came walking down to that familiar old pier, there he was, sitting on the seawall and legs dangling over, clothes and hair whipping away in the harsh wind. Staring off over the waves, still and quiet and looking very much like a rather distasteful statue. Wasn't moving at all, nothing. Not even to shiver, despite his thin long-sleeve shirt that offered no protection from that wind.

The light of the moon danced on the volatile waves.

Lukas' posture seemed so slumped. Defeated, almost, and Ludwig had never once seen him like that. So out of it, in fact, that Lukas didn't even hear him coming, didn't even notice Ludwig was there at all until he had sat down on the wall beside Lukas, his legs facing the opposite direction, back to the sea that Lukas was entranced by.

An inhale.

A long silence, and then that familiar old rumble.

"Hey. Miss me?"

Lukas' voice just seemed a little rougher than usual. Deeper. A little lackluster. About as tired as his posture, and devoid of that silvery smoothness that Ludwig had been so used to.

No one left to charm, perhaps.

Ludwig sat there quietly for a while, palms on the stone and trying to think of what he should say. Didn't get a chance, because Lukas carried on in a whisper.

"I can't really ask you to forgive me. You'll do that when you're ready, if you ever would be. If not, I understand. If you wanted me to, I'd beg you to come back, I would. I'd get down on my knees and beg, if that's what you want. I messed up, I know. I'll admit it, however many times you want. I'll say whatever you want me to. Anything."

Irritated and scared and frustrated, something about those words rubbed him the wrong way, and Ludwig's voice was as sharp as Lukas' was miserable when he finally spoke, and only then to snap, "I'm not going to tell you what to say! You say what you say, and that's that. Say whatever you want. What did you want to say? Why am I here? What can we say? Why did you come here? Just go back home. You're really going to just leave him again to come down here? Does he know where you are this time?"

He was painfully aware of his hypocrisy as he said those words, but Lukas wasn't, and that alone gave Ludwig the courage to open his mouth at all.

Lukas didn't take his eyes from the sea, didn't look over. Mystified yet by the waves.

"I... No. He doesn't know, because I never saw him again. I told you, I came down here the day after you left. I did leave him a letter on the door, if that's what you're worried about. Guess that was my final farewell. All I could think about was you. It was over with him, for a long time. I just— Seein' him like that, I guess. I don't know if you can understand. I don't even really understand. I only missed him after I remembered he existed, and only then until you were gone. Then I just missed you. I didn't mean for it to happen that way. I know you gotta think I'm the worst guy, but I..."

Lukas trailed off, seemingly at either a loss of words entirely or, at the very least, at a loss of words that wouldn't make him sound like a total bastard.

It was exceptionally lucky for Lukas that Ludwig was also a terrible guy, and could grasp, however dimly, what sentiments Lukas was trying to express. How funny—both of them had left the same guy twice, and the final blow had come via a letter. At this rate, maybe they were awful enough to be considered a perfect match.

Lukas at last broke his eyes away from the sea, but only to hang his head and exhale, scoffing, as if to himself, "I'm so fuckin' stupid."

Maybe.

Ludwig kinda was, too, though.

The wind was getting to him, even as he wrapped his arms around himself, although Lukas had yet to shiver. Was quite a pitiful sight then, Lukas, and Ludwig hated it, despite everything that had occurred. Wasn't fair to be bitter, when Lukas had never promised Ludwig anything more than what he had been given.

Let's try. What do you have to lose. Give me a chance.

So much to say, and nothing at all. Supposed all Ludwig could really hold onto then was that he had been thinking endlessly about Lukas, and Lukas had been drifting in the tide for two months begging a man he didn't even know just for a lifeline.

Pitiful.

Life was damn short and there was no point in wasting a single minute. Gilbert and Feliciano had both always said that, and Ludwig figured that now was as good a time as any to actually follow their lead and keep on trying. May yet have been a few more hidden paths on this circular trail he was walking.

So Ludwig finally lifted his chin, and griped, a bit crankily, "Where's your boat? I'm cold. I think I should be allowed to tell you how stupid you are while warm in bed, thank you."

Lukas' head snapped up, dull hair shining in the moonlight and lips parted.

Speechless?

Ludwig didn't waste that opportunity, because this was probably the only time he would ever get to say it, would ever have the window to throw it out, and so he leapt on the chance to say, primly, "What's that look about? Speechless? Yeah. Guess I have that effect, huh?"

Damn, that felt good!

Small victories.

A long, breathless stare, and then that miserable look on Lukas' face vanished as if it had never been there at all. That familiar coolness. Smugness. Arrogance. Only the dark under-eye circles and stubble gave him away, and his voice was a bit smoother too when he spoke up again. Lukas just smiled at him, in that smarmy way he always had, and said, so casually, "Of course you're cold. I haven't been around to keep you warm. Let's fix that before anything else."

Well. He never had been able to accuse Lukas of wasting time.

The moon glinted off of the water, and Ludwig thought, for a moment, that he was smiling.

So Ludwig just replied, over the wind, "Well, then. What are we waiting for? You, of all people, should know better than to be this close to the water with the moonlight on it."

For a moment there, Lukas' smile actually looked like Gilbert's.

Ludwig, dumb as always, took his hand when Lukas stood up and extended it.

Happiness, coming yet again to blind him.

Hated love, didn't want it, and still fell for it every time.


	10. Clockwork Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed a happy story for once. 2020 sucks, so I needed something pure for once in my miserable life. Thanks for hanging in there with this rare pair. <3

**Chapter 10**

**Clockwork Happiness**

December.

At long last, Ludwig was finally home.

They were far from married, but those days after Lukas had found him again felt rather like some sort of surreal honeymoon. Spending a long week on that familiar little boat, reconnecting and getting to know each other all over again, finding their middle ground and voicing their sentiments. For the first time in his life, Ludwig sat down in front of someone he loved and was able to open his mouth and say exactly what he was feeling. Well; mostly. Sort of.

Supposed he was 'adulting' for the first time, in that sense.

Told Lukas at last all about Feliciano, because it wasn't fair for Lukas to go around thinking he was the bad guy.

Talking about it to Lukas, though, telling him, confessing to him, was the first time that Ludwig was able to think that maybe neither of them were exactly bad guys, so much as, well...normal. Just normal men, who had found themselves in circumstances they hadn't ever wanted to be in and who had made mistakes and mishandled things. Didn't make them bad people.

Time to just move on.

Once more, Ludwig found himself packing his things, and this time it was Francis standing over him as he folded his clothes.

A friendly tease.

"So glad you came and got that thing out of my hair."

Ludwig barked a laugh at that, because 'that thing' was such a wonderfully accurate description of Lukas that it was somehow hilarious. Ludwig pulled himself upright, hugged Francis for all he was worth, and said, simply, "Thanks. For everything."

A pat on his back.

"My pleasure. I got a lifetime of laughs out of you, I think. Worth it, I guess, even if you have no taste."

Oddly enough, Gilbert seemed as content as Francis, when Ludwig called him the very second his foot once more hit Norwegian soil. Almost sounded relieved, Gilbert, but Ludwig knew that that was only because he felt he had screwed up so terribly before and was glad that Ludwig had called him at all.

Because they thought similar things most of the time, Gilbert said, so helpfully, _"Third time is the charm, Lutz."_

Hadn't been for Gilbert, but Ludwig knew he meant well, as he always did.

And then Ludwig was back in that wooden house in that little village, sprawled out once more on that sofa in front of the fireplace. Familiar, wandering hands. As it had been once before, and Ludwig reached that wonderful plane of happiness again when he found himself the following night atop the cliff overlooking the town. This time, though, instead of lecturing Ludwig on some ancient battle, Lukas just grabbed his hand and smiled out into the distance.

Maybe this was one of Lukas' favorite places as well.

Lukas pressed forward later on, kissed Ludwig's forehead, and whispered, teasingly, "Don't forget that your brother is _my_ best man. So, tough luck. You gotta find your own."

Well, that came out of nowhere! Like everything else with Lukas.

Ludwig just snorted, and griped back, "If that's your idea of a proposal, you're going to be very disappointed when you get left at the altar."

Ludwig, after all, had a bit of a history as a runaway bride, and now Lukas knew that.

Lukas, far front daunted, merely replied, "Lies. You can't stay away from me, and you know it."

Ludwig grumbled back, "Lies."

...Francis sounded like a great best man. Not that he was actually considering it, certainly not. Not by a long shot, not in a thousand years. Absolutely not.

Not _yet_ , anyway.

Months passed, and the ground beneath them was firm, steady. No tremors, and no doubts. Just calm days and comfort. Contentment.

When his second December in that house rolled around, Ludwig had long since stopped fretting and started looking forward to the future. Started planning his 'forever' for the second time, but this time older and wiser and with far more experience in the world. Didn't mean it would end up any differently than the first 'forever', no, but it was always worth a shot.

Could always say they had tried.

The only transition in their lives then was when Lukas smarmed his way back into his old position at the museum, which meant they had to relocate to Lukas' home in Bergen. So different than the village. A beautiful city, much like the one in which Ludwig had worked, and it was a nice change of pace. Missed sitting above the town and watching the fjord, but it was also pleasant to have a taste once more of the city life.

Best to keep Lukas occupied, though, if only to keep his mind from that imaginary wedding he seemed to be planning.

For all the good that did in a practical sense.

Lukas truly had turned Ludwig into a bit of a housewife, perhaps intentionally or perhaps merely by circumstance, and although it was nice in a sense it was also incredibly boring, and in the summer of that following year Ludwig at long last began to follow that old dream of becoming an engineer and enrolled himself in classes. If Lukas was disappointed, he certainly didn't show it and was always quite encouraging, although he did express, from time to time, that Ludwig would probably very much enjoy working at the museum.

Maybe, but Ludwig knew that sometimes it just wasn't a good idea to work with your significant other.

The third December, when Ludwig had been getting a little homesick, Lukas had went above and beyond and had stated, so casually, that it was rather annoying to make such frequent trips to Nese to check on the lodge and that perhaps Gilbert would make an ideal keeper for it, assuming of course that he would pay his own bills.

Elation.

Because, of course, having Gilbert so nearby would have been the best gift anyone could have ever given him. What was a three hour drive when something so radiant was on the other end? To have Gilbert a day-trip away... He loved Lukas, after all, but Gilbert always had been and always would be his favorite person.

Ludwig knew that Lukas wasn't doing it so much out of the kindness of his heart rather than the fact that a Ludwig with itchy feet was unpredictable, and maybe bringing Gilbert closer was Lukas' way of keeping Ludwig still and happy.

Didn't care what his motive was; just cared that Gilbert had said 'yes' and come springtime he was once more within Ludwig's reach.

Seeing Gilbert again, after so long—

Ludwig had leapt so hard into Gilbert's waiting arms that he had tackled Gilbert backwards onto the ground, knocked the wind out of him, and lied there atop him with his arms around Gilbert's neck for a good five minutes or so.

Gilbert just smiled.

Maybe a quiet little village in the middle of nowhere wouldn't cut it for Gilbert for very long, but Gilbert gave it a go anyway and Lukas, with that silver tongue, connived a bar owner to slide Gilbert a job, despite Gilbert only speaking pretty bad Danish.

It was fine, at least for now. Ludwig still spent his weekends with Gilbert, and Gilbert seemed to be taking the isolation in stride. Maybe he had needed a good vacation.

The fourth December, Lukas took Ludwig back out onto the sea, and Ludwig was able to visit Francis for the first time in forever. Seeing him again had felt almost as good as seeing Gilbert had been, and he wished that it could have been a more frequent occurrence.

But he couldn't have everything, and Ludwig said goodbye for who knew how long.

Francis hugged him and walked away and then came back and hugged him again, and it was a long back and forth before they finally parted ways at last.

Was distracted from that sadness, though, when they sat on the deck of Lukas' boat under the moonlight, the waves gentle and calm, the wind freezing, bundled up and side by side, and Lukas grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back until he fell up against Lukas' chest. Arms around him, and Ludwig smiled even as the wind stung his eyes. He reached up and grabbed Lukas' forearms, Lukas rested his chin atop Ludwig's head, and he could say that it was one of his happier moments, if only because it was one of the simplest.

Quickly became one of the most surreal, however, when Lukas grabbed his hand, pulled off his glove, and without one single word slipped a ring down on his finger.

Shock.

Dumbfounded and absolutely bewildered, Ludwig didn't move or breathe or really think at all as Lukas quite nonchalantly replaced his glove, resumed his embrace, and carried on as if nothing strange had happened at all.

Couldn't say how long he had sat there, staring through wide eyes at nothing, as his slow brain attempted to process what, exactly, had just happened.

Holy shit—

With a sharp inhale, Ludwig sat up straight so furiously that he heard Lukas' jaw slam shut as he knocked him backwards, and he ripped his glove back off as Lukas cursed in pain behind him. A glint in the moonlight, as he studied his own hand as if he had never seen the damn thing before.

A low mutter behind him.

" _Dammit_ , baby—I think I chipped a tooth!"

Hardly heard Lukas at all, breathless and stunned as he was, turning his hand this way and that under the moonlight. It was just a simple silver band, hardly anything extraordinary, and yet it had knocked Ludwig senseless all the same.

The most unspeakably profound moment of his entire life.

Lukas was still muttering and cursing and hissing behind him, as Ludwig kept on flipping his hand over and over to keep on staring at that unassuming little silver ring. He noticed then the little engraving around it, and when he studied it all the harder he realized it was that snake, the one Lukas had a statue of in his living room, circling the ring and biting its own tail. Knew it now of course as the great Jörmungandr, and knew that it was a reference to the first time Lukas had gotten Ludwig onto his boat with smooth words.

Couldn't breathe. Was fairly certain he was in shock.

Some part of him was terrified, even, because he didn't know if this was a real proposal or an early Christmas present, and he was afraid to make a fool of himself.

Couldn't seem to wake up, couldn't get his brain to crank back up, couldn't get himself started again, at least until Lukas had gathered himself and had come over beside of him, sitting there before him and in his sights, rubbing irritably at his jaw, and then Lukas spoke up.

"I had a... I kinda had a whole night planned. I was gonna take you back to that place we went to, the very first date, and I was gonna make a big show of it, right there in front of everyone. I had reservations and everything, but— But I got scared. It was bad enough, thinking about you saying 'no', but havin' it happen like that with so many people around—I think I'd'a dropped dead. So I figured I'd ask out here, but I got scared again. I'm sorry if the, uh, presentation wasn't what you would have hoped for, I just— If I just did it, and didn't ask, it didn't seem like you'd say 'no', not that you can't or anything, of course you can refuse, but I—"

Lukas was rambling by that point, speaking rapidly and nervously and mixing up words and choking and sputtering, the first time Ludwig had ever heard him lose his composure entirely like that.

Somehow, that was what woke Ludwig up, just that anxious and terrified manner of speech.

Lukas leaned in, hovering over him, obviously terrified and yet somehow looking so breathlessly ecstatic, and Ludwig, dazed as he was, didn't quite realize how _close_ Lukas was. Until Ludwig jumped again, this time in his fervor to accept this half-assed proposal, and smacked Lukas one more time in the jaw, this time with his shoulder.

Another curse.

"Sorry!" Ludwig finally managed, scrambling forward atop wallowing Lukas and wrapping arms around his neck. His voice was muffled for Lukas' collar, and so he sure as hell hoped Lukas could hear him then when he whispered, "Okay! Yeah. Okay. I'll— Yeah!" Wouldn't have the strength to say it again.

Not the most coherent and graceful response, but Lukas grabbed him up and fell backward all the same, regardless of the pain he may or may not have been in. If they spoke after that, then Ludwig had zoned out and was entirely unaware of it. Just kept staring at his hand like a moron as Lukas' pulse pounded away in his neck.

Relief on both ends, and yet terror.

When shore was back, home, they parted ways almost instantly, Lukas running straight to a dentist and Ludwig running, of course, straight to Gilbert. The drive had never been so long, and when he pulled into the drive, he ran frantically inside, wrangled Gilbert aggressively, and showed him his hand.

Gilbert, for once, was unable to form comprehensible speech.

When he found his voice later on, he spoke so quickly and so eagerly that Ludwig still couldn't understand half of what he had said, but he was fairly certain that Gilbert was reminding him that he had been promised a best man position and that he wanted to help decorate and something about a guitar? Who the hell knew!

Gilbert seemed more excited than Ludwig, but that may have been because Ludwig was still in shock.

Took weeks for it to wear off, and then it was replaced with awe.

How foolish and yet how wonderful it felt to sit there at the table with Lukas and look for venues. Venues—as if it were really going to be something extraordinary, when they had so few friends. Didn't need anything fancy, something very small, but somehow just the notion of it made it seem grander to Ludwig than it actually was.

The whole concept was overwhelming, and it was Lukas in the end who seemed to do most of the practical work as Ludwig fretted in corners and started marking a calendar.

December, of course. One year to figure it all out. Could do it. Wouldn't let the stress get to him. Lukas was so calm, so serene, and was always very happy to tease Ludwig about the looming date.

Was going to give him a coronary.

In springtime, another change.

As expected, Gilbert's patience with the village expired, and the next thing Ludwig really knew Gilbert had rented an apartment in Bergen, and Gilbert and Lukas were working together at the museum. Maybe Gilbert was just that bored, or maybe he wanted to be closer to Ludwig in light of the circumstances. Maybe Gilbert knew how overwhelmed Ludwig would be. Lukas seemed somehow flabbergasted that Gilbert was suddenly his coworker despite having been the cause, and Ludwig echoed that sentiment. How incredibly bizarre! Of all things for Gilbert to do, all things. Could truly not even imagine what Gilbert did inside that building all day behind the scenes, but didn't actually need to : got plenty of great stories from Lukas.

That endearing look of exasperation when Lukas came home one day and said, abruptly, "We have to make replicas of artifacts to put in the exhibition cases while we do restoration..."

Ludwig, studying dutifully for the next day's exam, pen in mouth, merely gave a deep, "Uh huh?"

"And your brother—"

Ooh, this was gonna be good.

"—put a helmet and a shield on the vacuum cleaner, got himself a helmet and shield, and proceeded to do battle with the vacuum cleaner."

Face dead serious and with no hint of emotion, Ludwig gave another, "Uh huh?"

"He used a broom as a sword."

"Oh?"

"He was sing-humming _Ride of the Valkyries_ the entire time."

Without once glancing up or flinching at all, Ludwig merely droned, "Indeed! Who won?"

A sputter.

What? Did Lukas think he had witnessed something groundbreaking? Try growing up with that man.

An odd, strangled scoff, and then silence, and then Lukas said, thinly, "So, I guess this is just like a typical Wednesday evening for you, huh?"

"Mm. Bit more like a Friday afternoon."

Lukas plopped down at the kitchen table in front of him, and added, "I'm not the weird one there anymore. I don't know how I feel about that."

Poor baby. Must have bruised his ego, no longer being the topic of all conversation.

Eyes ever on his book, Ludwig just gave a quick, "Hm!"

Clearly bothered by how unbothered Ludwig was, Lukas murmured, pensively, "You know—I'm having buyer's remorse about calling your brother as my best man. I'm giving him back to you instead."

Taking his pen from his mouth and scribbling a quick note, Ludwig said, with perfect monotony and no quiver of doubt, "Apologies, but Gilbert is entirely nonrefundable."

A hissed curse.

A while later, Lukas grumbled, "The vacuum cleaner won, anyway. He's left-handed. Why did he make the vacuum right-handed? Why did he give it an advantage? I don't _understand_."

Of _all_ the questions Lukas could have had—!

Ludwig snorted.

Gilbert fit right in, it seemed. Good to know. One less thing to fret over.

Other things made fretting inevitable.

The fifth December, it was time, time for _that_ , and Ludwig had been in panic mode for weeks, so furiously so that very often Lukas would grab his shoulders and force him still, and Ludwig realized then that he had been relentlessly pacing.

Ah. So nervous. Couldn't help it. Fretting was his nature, natural to him, and nothing Lukas could ever say would calm him. For god's sake, he was getting _married_ , and he was terrified. Wouldn't settle until it was all over and done with. He wad getting _married_. Married. Couldn't stop repeating it, couldn't stop muttering it to himself, because it was honestly a word he had never in his wildest dreams ever thought he could attach to himself.

Marriage.

 _Him_. Ludwig. A man that no one could have ever called marriage material, given how impossible it was for him to express any sliver of emotions aloud.

Married.

For a while there, though, Lukas looked pretty terrified, too, and one time he actually did whisper, with a pale smile, "Please don't leave me at the altar."

Wasn't sure exactly how serious Lukas was in that request, and they counted down the days.

Five days before the ceremony, Ludwig found himself in a quandary.

A dilemma.

Ludwig held his phone in his hand, and tottered back and forth between the desire to invite Feliciano and the more tactful side of him that clearly warned him it was a bad idea. Wanting to involve him, and knowing that it could backfire.

In the end, he set the phone down without calling. It was for the best, really.

Lukas, for his part, didn't invite Magnus.

Magnus showed up anyway. How he had known was a mystery, but Ludwig had been well beyond horrified, looking up to see that familiar face leaning against the wall by the door. Had been terrified enough standing there before the officiant and a breath away from vomiting, without having to see that man. Lukas had gone a bit paler than he already was, lips pursed and brow low and eyes wide, glancing at Magnus in very frequent intervals as if as horrified as Ludwig.

Waiting for Magnus to cause a ruckus by objecting and speaking now and not holding his peace.

Didn't happen.

Magnus just stood there, quietly, and when he had at long last met Ludwig's eyes, he inclined his head politely, and remained respectfully silent and still.

Relief.

Magnus was quiet, Gilbert behaved perfectly, Francis was the one who ended up crying out of all of them, and Lukas kept popping up and down on his toes as he apparently struggled to contain an overload of emotion he was very unused to feeling. Ludwig was just rather dazed. In a good way, for once. Couldn't stop staring at Lukas, because seeing him in a perfectly preened suit was quite stunning, daze or no.

Felt dizzy and surreal.

Lukas just looked rather pumped up, bristling with adrenaline, nostrils flaring and pupils dilated and unable to sit still.

Gilbert looked so _proud_ , so happy, and that was Ludwig's favorite part of the day. Being able to make Gilbert proud; worth anything in the world.

Lukas seemed damn glad to have everything go off without a hitch (aside from the main hitch, that was) and when the party started later and the chatter was loud, Magnus crept up to them once the crowd dispersed and looked them over. A long, awkward silence, and then Magnus merely said, "Congrats. Sorry about gate-crashing."

Lukas opened his mouth, but it was Ludwig who gathered his nerve and said, "Don't worry about it. Glad you came."

He stepped back, removed himself, and let them have their conversation. Seemed like the right thing to do, and Ludwig realized in that moment that he wasn't worried anymore. Wasn't jealous. Wasn't scared. Let them speak; his position had long since been secured.

Regretted the sad smile on Magnus' face, but was glad in a way he had come, because Ludwig wished then above all else that he had gathered the courage to invite Feliciano.

Magnus left shortly after, getting a few good free drinks in because who wouldn't, and before he went he reached out and shook Ludwig's hand.

Felt great.

The most surreal and the most beautiful night of his life, and immediately upon leaving Lukas had thrown him in the car and they drove all the way back to the village so that Lukas could haul him up that cliff, still in their suits, and sit him down in their favorite spot. Was well past midnight by the time they reached the top, and neither of them cared.

His favorite moment in time, and that would always be his favorite memory.

Lukas beaming at him in the moonlight, huddled up together in the cold and watching stars. The rush of euphoria when Lukas kissed him and Ludwig saw the glint of the ring on his finger.

They spent the next week on that old boat, as Lukas sailed them down the coast and all through the straights. A lovely sight, getting to see snow-covered cities from across the sea, someone at his side and no one else but themselves. Had always enjoyed simplicity.

Afterwards, when they returned to Bergen, life resumed as normal, and that was rather surprising to Ludwig.

Ludwig tapped his fingers on the table one morning over coffee, and when Lukas eyed him, Ludwig muttered, "I don't see how this is any different. Married life feels just like regular life. I thought it would be different somehow. Why do people even get married at all?"

Couldn't say _how_ , exactly, he expected a difference, but there it was.

Lukas snorted, lifted his mug in Ludwig's direction, and very seriously said, "Because now there's a lot more paperwork involved for you if you decide to run away and leave me. Not so easy now. I trapped you. I think that's the only difference."

Ludwig's mouth fell open in disbelief, and then he scoffed, waved his hand, and teased, "If you think I'm afraid of paperwork, you have another thing coming. I excel in paperwork."

"Fair enough."

And even though nothing at all had changed in their lives, even if everything felt the same as it had before, Ludwig would never deny that it was comforting in some sense to sit there and look at Lukas' hand and see that ring, and realize that he was married. Had never envisioned it, and in some way, if nothing else, marriage had greatly boosted Ludwig's self-confidence. Felt so much more secure, so much steadier. Knowing that Lukas was his and no longer sailing about to, as Magnus had once said, 'shop'.

Was so secure, in fact, that when Magnus stopped by to say 'hello', Ludwig didn't even bat an eye. After a few visits and a few conversations, Ludwig could say that he actually rather liked Magnus, because it was hard not to. When Magnus and Gilbert met at last, they hit it off and became bar buddies. Two egotistical, handsome, funny jerks—had been meant to be friends, clearly.

Lukas had actually given an eye-roll at that new part of their life, and Ludwig wished he had caught it on film, remarkably rare as it was.

Ludwig just counted down the days until he could mercifully see Gilbert and Magnus dress up and 'do battle' with each other, as Lukas would say. Would have put himself into debt for the rest of his life just to be able to see that once.

One day.

Years kept on flying, it seemed.

Ludwig graduated, and procured his first engineering job. Gilbert had been more proud at that than he had been at marrying off his little brother. Lukas teased Ludwig by begging him to take Gilbert with him.

Gilbert being around machinery and buttons he would be tempted to push and shiny things? Hell no.

Ludwig very quickly reminded Lukas that he had claimed Gilbert, and unfortunately for him that was a life-time commitment, even if the wedding was over.

The eighth December, they had their first major fight over who even knew what, each screaming that they never wanted to see the other again, and Ludwig had stormed over to Gilbert's to fume and wallow.

They were back together three days later, Ludwig coddling a pouting Lukas over the black eye Gilbert had given him when he had gone to retrieve Ludwig.

Sometimes they were stupid, but they always just pushed past it. Part of being a human, really.

Years.

Ludwig had had a blast when he had bent over Lukas one morning at the table and plucked a hair neatly from his head, and teasing, when Lukas glared, "Going grey already?"

The rather endearing look of what could have been alarm as Lukas snatched the hair from his hand and inspected it.

A low curse.

Ludwig just snorted.

Maybe the grey wasn't only in Lukas' hair, because the following year he had said, out of nowhere, "I'm tired of the museum. I've been thinking about becoming a professor after all. People don't seem to care as much as about mythology as they used to."

Ludwig hid his smile behind his mug, and said, mockingly, "Kids these days!"

Lukas glared at him, but seemed to agree with the statement all the same, no matter how much he hated jabs at his age.

Instead, Ludwig jabbed his ego, and added, "Couldn't handle Gilbert being the weirdo, could you? Just can't stand being dethroned."

Lukas lifted his brow, grumbled, "I'm going to dethrone you," and before Ludwig could retort that that made no sense at all Lukas was already on him and dragging him to the couch for, ah, stress relief.

Poor thing. That huge ego was so fragile.

That same year, Lukas did exactly what he said and worked his way into his parents' shoes, becoming a professor at long last, and Gilbert became king of the museum, or that was how Gilbert worded it anyway.

Lukas seemed happy for the change.

To make up a bit for his relentless teasing lately, on Lukas' first official day as a teacher, Ludwig had grabbed his tie and said, sternly, "Now. I know that the kids are all going to fall in love with the hot professor, but don't you dare let them charm you into giving them better grades."

Very arrogantly and very confidently, Lukas just smirked and replied, "No promises."

Teaching others about things Lukas had been schooling Ludwig on for years seemed to make Lukas quite happy, and Ludwig had been right long ago; Lukas had missed his calling, and was now fulfilling it.

Wished he could have seen Lukas at work. Would get video one of these days, he swore it. Could perfectly picture in his head a chaotic classroom falling deathly silent as Lukas narrowed his eyes and stared so blankly at the students until they were beyond creeped out.

A few years later, when Lukas was finally able to throw a jab back at Ludwig and point out his first grey hair (surely after a great struggle to spot it at all), Ludwig had probably ruined it a bit for him by being entirely unbothered and uninterested. Had merely drawled, carelessly, "Good. Now at least _one_ of us can be a silver fox."

Lukas' wince.

Disappointedly, Lukas had shoved at Ludwig's back and griped, "I'm glad you're not a professor. You'd get eaten alive. I wouldn't stand a chance. I'm telling you, these kids these days!"

Ha! Sure thing.

No matter how many grey hairs popped up, they felt no different than they had years ago.

Nothing changed.

Through it all, though, through every year and every test and every trial, Ludwig could say his absolute favorite circumstance was when he and Lukas met new people, made new friends, because Ludwig could sit back and gleefully await for someone to inevitably ask the question : 'So, how did you two meet?'

Loved it, because, just as inevitably, Lukas would smirk, run a hand through his mottled hair in self-satisfaction, and reply, 'He heard my voice one time over my old radio and fell madly in love with me. Ran out to the pier and jumped on my boat. Never looked back.'

Ludwig would just smile at the flabbergasted looks they always received, and would merely drone, 'He immediately crashed us into the rocks.'

The shocked looks were always worth the tease. Every single time.

Lukas would always next say, 'Shall we go boating tomorrow?'

The response to that one was almost invariably a fervent, 'No!'

When they were alone, Lukas would drag Ludwig up against him, kiss his cheek, and say, 'Only you could make me so glad I hauled up a world-ending sea serpent.'

Ludwig snorted, and retorted, playfully, 'Only you could get away with calling me a sea serpent.'

He may have hissed those 's's a bit longer than he needed to, if only for the sake of Lukas' ego.

Worked; Lukas was beautifully smarmy when he drawled, 'Yeah—I do have that effect.'

He did. Could never explain it, but Ludwig was affected indeed.

Every day, they just carried on without a worry, a stern engineer and an eccentric professor of mythology, the realist and the dreamer in perfect synchrony, one keeping the other from floating away and one preventing the other from dying of monotony.

Sometimes, life was wonderful.

Thank god for those rocks and that stupid radio.

**FIN**


End file.
